I'm rather sad that I never got around to blogging more than one time on my trip. It seemed so busy and hurried with a lack of real Internet access so I just left it alone. In a short recap, the trip was amazing. I truly fell in love with Australia and New Zealand and how beautiful the countries and people were. Under the surface of the trip I was dealing with anxiety and depression due to a lack of direction now that school is done. I did my best not to ruin the experience and I did a decent job. But I think I needed to get to that place so the trip would really do what it was supposed to do and reconnect me, on a very fundamental level, with my Creator. Ever since my life fell apart I've had to rely less and less on myself and more and more on Him. Now that all safety nets are gone I'm having to cling to God alone. Seeing the unique beauty of that part of the world changed everything. I was lucky enough to stay with my amazing friend Marianne and her wonderful family in Auckland. They were such a blessing and while I was there I grabbed The Purpose Driven Life off of her bookshelf. It came in the nick of time and I highly recommend it to anyone. Especially if you were where I was and wondering what the point of this life is and where you fit in it.
The most life-changing experience was the skydiving we did in Taupo, New Zealand, on the 2nd to last day of our trip. We'd had it in mind to go the whole trip but money concerns and the fact that it turned really really cold while we were there seemed to be prohibitive. However, I couldn't get over the nagging feeling that if I didn't at least try to go I'd forever be disappointed in myself. So at 3pm we walked over to the tourist i-site just to ask. Before I knew it we were driving to the airport, suited up, and I was strapped to some guy named Joel. They were very fun and very professional while doing things like putting our hair up and goggles on as we went up, up, up to 12,000 ft in the air. The day couldn't have been more perfect - the sky was blue, the lake pristine, and the snow storm we'd been caught in the day before had snow-capped the most stunning mountains I've seen in a long time. Before I knew it I was blindly following some stranger's instructions to put my legs out of the plane, head on his shoulder, smile for the camera, then..... nothing....and everything all at once. I swear my heart stopped for about 5 seconds while my brain tried to figure out what was happening. Unless you do it yourself there is no describing the feeling. At that moment you are completely inside yourself as you've just let go of any and all things familiar, the air is rushing past you and in those moments you are existing in perfect faith. Faith that your instructor knows what they're doing, faith the parachute will open, but you literally have let go of everything and are holding onto truly and simply to faith, and faith alone. After the initial shock wore off I realized my glasses had slid up so I couldn't see well, and I had to force my mouth open so I could breath. At 120mph, nose-breathing doesn't work. Before you know it the parachute has been pulled and you are suspended, utterly weightless over one of the most beautiful places on this planet. It was wild! The experience completely defined the entire trip and everything I've been dealing with for the last few months, although it would just be the beginning of new realizations. For the next week my mind would flash back and I'd be there again - the wind rushing past my ears, the breathlessness - even now it can still stop my brain in its tracks.
Tansey and I had to struggle not to cry all the way home. Along with a horrible case of jet lag and trip hangover, an even worse depression settled in and took over. I couldn't sleep enough and when I was awake I could barely function. I went to the Bible alot during that time looking for help. I couldn't figure out why I was experiencing a complete 180 with all of my priorities. Detachment had started to take hold in a way it never had. I especially noticed this when clearing out the house to do a garage sale so I could pay bills. Everything I had once cherished and valued so highly was becoming distant. Every time I would hesitate over a particular item the only thing I could hear in my head was, "Give me your pearls." Which is out of a story I always tell about giving God what you think is so precious so he can give you something even more valuable.
I also couldn't explain away the constant nagging feeling that everything was shifting and about to change drastically, and the feeling that maybe I wasn't supposed to stay in LA after all. More free-falling I suppose. These feelings were only confirmed when the first get-together at Tam's when I got back and our friend John announced he was moving back to Florida. Sometimes I hate being perceptive. I think I had this idea that when I turned 30 I'd be ready to pack it in and hang up my adventure shoes for some 'settled' life with a home and kids. Now that it's nearly here I am realizing that I don't want that anymore, maybe I never truly did, at least not in the traditional nuclear form. I'm also coming to terms with the new things I DO want for myself. With my life completely in God's hands, I've let go of the steering wheel and am awaiting instructions. I've done that before though and still I find parts of myself that I've held back. Letting go is a continuous thing, something you have to do everyday. I can't get over the odd feeling that I'm sitting at the bus station without a clear destination, but I need to be ready. So far he's provided my rent and bill money when I ran out of every source I could think of. Shannon made a fine point that since we're both such 'doers' maybe this is our lesson to 'do' less and trust more.
So far I've applied for some NGO and UN jobs in Paris, London, Boston, and quite a few jobs here in LA. The epiphany that eventually Shannon and I want to open our own non-profit has been enlightening. But I'm impatient at times. The waiting is very tiring and frustrating and scary but there is something exhilarating about letting go and letting God. We can always say that we're doing that but when we're comfortable with savings accounts, employment, friends...we don't really have to. My pastor Erwin says that if we're not living life half scared out of our minds most of the time then we're not living up to God's potential for our lives. We have to clear out things and give him room to do the fantastic. Because at this point and in this market it will take a miracle to find me the perfect job and that just what I expect Him to do. Whatever it may be, wherever it may be at.
I also keep thinking about a question my Aunt posted on my wall when I mentioned my OZ/NZ trip about how I can afford to travel so much while unemployed. I've pondered it alot because the worry that I haven't been a very good steward with the money I was given keeps pestering me. The only answer I could come up with is that in my quest to picture God as my father, a real father, which does not at all resemble MY real one, I've come to understand that sometimes he spoils you. I never had a 'daddy' relationship where as a little girl you can bat your eyelashes and say "please" as sweetly as possible and you get a new pony just by asking for it. My relationship with my Dad is nothing like that relationship, and I've found the idea fascinating. I just remember back to when I was trying to find the means to study abroad but kept striking out. I had just met with the school counselor who did nothing for me but improve my loans so they would eventually cost me less. After initial disappointment I took a breathe and thanked God for giving me what I needed instead of what I had wanted. That very afternoon the money for the trip came from an unexpected source and I stood amazed. Sometimes Dad's spoil their daughters, or so I'm told, and I can't help but feel like a very lucky 'spoiled' child with the number of things God has allowed me to do in my life. Now I need my 'Dad' to use his connections to score me whatever job he wants me in to do what I can for Him. That's the only way I can think to look at it.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
There's not ONE game in this arcade!
The above quote is from Tansey and boy did I laugh. We went to one of the shopping arcades here in Cairns and she didn't know that an arcade isn't always a place for video games. It's an easy enough misunderstanding but it was pretty funny.
So we've started our adventure and the last few days have been almost overwhelming they've been so amazing. We started off with a record 16.5 hour flight per the flight attendant. Due to headwinds and a late start out of LA that pushed our travel time up exponentially. This caused us to miss our flight out of Melbourne so we had to fly to Brisbane and then up to Cairns. Nothing like doing a whole city-hopping tour without actually getting to see the city. After 24 hours of time just in the air, we arrived in pretty good shape. Our hostel, the lovely Caravella Backpackers Resort on the waterfront, upgraded us to our own double room and we went out to get dinner. Cairns is a very tropical place that seems really similar to Hawaii...with the addition of cockatoos and giant fruit bats that fly around at will. Our first night at sunset the sky filled up with the bats in flight like a scene out of Van Helsing. I have to say they creep me out quite a bit but really they just look like foxes with bat wings. Bizarre. Our first day we spent wandering around the town. We did a bit of shopping at the mall and did my favorite thing to do in a foreign city - Visit the grocery store. It's by far the most fun ever and there were plenty of funny names of things and novelty items we got to purchase. Don't worry we got pictures and there will be a whole separate "Hilarious Products" section once I finally post pictures. After dropping our purchases we wandered down the beach for a couple of miles to start. It's a little weird because the water almost completely leaves the harbor for low tide. We made our way over to the botanical gardens and did not realize just how far they were, so we walked, and walked, and walked. This seems to be a theme with me and traveling. We were so tired, sore, and cranky by the time we got back for dinner we could have died. However, it was SO worth it as we happened upon the rain forest boardwalk in the center of the gardens. It was a real rain forest where it actually happened to rain on us and it was so strange and lovely all at the same time. There were butterflies hanging all over the place and giant caterpillars straight out of Alice in Wonderland. Well worth the pain.
The next day we got relatively early and decided to hit the Cairns Tropical Zoo. It's low season so there weren't many people there. We had wallabies and kangaroos come up to us right away because they must have smelled the feed we'd been given at the entrance. The little kangaroo grabbed my hands and ate right out of them. It was amazing. The whole place was just medium sized but everything was so hands on it was like no zoo I'd ever been to before. We attended most of the feedings and talks and the red panda bear was by far my favorite. Well, besides the koalas. I kept pondering how to smuggle one out of the zoo but figured the odds of success vs. the jail time probably wouldn't be worth it. We got to hold one for a picture which was super cool. Tansey ended up in bed early and I went outside to write but ended up running into a lovely couple from London who had just checked into the next room. We chatted until late about everything from the boyband 5ive, to Dexter, to Americans in Europe, and various other topics about life. They were great and reminded me why I like to travel and meet other likeminded people.
The next day was our Great Barrier Reef trip. I had no idea what to expect because I have been plenty of places that have no lived up to expectation. We decided to go out with Passions of Paradise and after a couple hours sail out of Cairns we found ourselves at a part of the reef called Michaelmas Cay. It's a very smelly island full of thousands of birds but you're there to dive and snorkel so the beach was really just a taking off point. The water itself is a beautiful deep blue, until you hit the reef where it turns green. The bits of water that you know are reef are dark dark blue/brown and you'd never guess that underneath is the most amazing thing you could ever see. The coral and whatnot were so many different colors and moved with the waves in some sort of symphony. We saw reef rays and a giant turtle and HUGE oyster-looking things that breathed and pulsed. Purples, yellows, reds, pinks...fish with beaks, square fish, round fish, long fish....seriously so beautiful I had to try not to cry. After about an hour and half we went in for lunch on the boat and the move to Paradise Reef, the second snorkel location. This one was a little deeper and further out. Because of the depth of the water when you looked down off the side of the reef it was like looking into a swirling cathedral full of fish as far as you could see. Amazing! After that it was time to head home. The way back was so much fun though. We made friends with the staff and had a great time. I was exhausted but we'd made plans to go out to this bar/restaurant called Vibe. We'd been keeping pretty early hours and thought we'd do something different for our last night, especially since it was Friday. We thought we'd hit upon the local gay scene as we walked in to boys in nurse uniforms and various other costumes. Turns out even the straight boys dress up like weirdos so it makes it all very very confusing. We had a drink or two, made friends with a kid who was absolutely my friend Matty from home, and had a great time. Tansey managed to slip on an actual banana peel and I laughed until I cried. How does that happen in real life? We ended up back in bed by 11:30 and that was good enough.
Today was laundry day and our flight to Sydney. It's rainy and it took forever but it's a lovely city that's very London-esque from what we can see. I think I'm going to like it very much.
So we've started our adventure and the last few days have been almost overwhelming they've been so amazing. We started off with a record 16.5 hour flight per the flight attendant. Due to headwinds and a late start out of LA that pushed our travel time up exponentially. This caused us to miss our flight out of Melbourne so we had to fly to Brisbane and then up to Cairns. Nothing like doing a whole city-hopping tour without actually getting to see the city. After 24 hours of time just in the air, we arrived in pretty good shape. Our hostel, the lovely Caravella Backpackers Resort on the waterfront, upgraded us to our own double room and we went out to get dinner. Cairns is a very tropical place that seems really similar to Hawaii...with the addition of cockatoos and giant fruit bats that fly around at will. Our first night at sunset the sky filled up with the bats in flight like a scene out of Van Helsing. I have to say they creep me out quite a bit but really they just look like foxes with bat wings. Bizarre. Our first day we spent wandering around the town. We did a bit of shopping at the mall and did my favorite thing to do in a foreign city - Visit the grocery store. It's by far the most fun ever and there were plenty of funny names of things and novelty items we got to purchase. Don't worry we got pictures and there will be a whole separate "Hilarious Products" section once I finally post pictures. After dropping our purchases we wandered down the beach for a couple of miles to start. It's a little weird because the water almost completely leaves the harbor for low tide. We made our way over to the botanical gardens and did not realize just how far they were, so we walked, and walked, and walked. This seems to be a theme with me and traveling. We were so tired, sore, and cranky by the time we got back for dinner we could have died. However, it was SO worth it as we happened upon the rain forest boardwalk in the center of the gardens. It was a real rain forest where it actually happened to rain on us and it was so strange and lovely all at the same time. There were butterflies hanging all over the place and giant caterpillars straight out of Alice in Wonderland. Well worth the pain.
The next day we got relatively early and decided to hit the Cairns Tropical Zoo. It's low season so there weren't many people there. We had wallabies and kangaroos come up to us right away because they must have smelled the feed we'd been given at the entrance. The little kangaroo grabbed my hands and ate right out of them. It was amazing. The whole place was just medium sized but everything was so hands on it was like no zoo I'd ever been to before. We attended most of the feedings and talks and the red panda bear was by far my favorite. Well, besides the koalas. I kept pondering how to smuggle one out of the zoo but figured the odds of success vs. the jail time probably wouldn't be worth it. We got to hold one for a picture which was super cool. Tansey ended up in bed early and I went outside to write but ended up running into a lovely couple from London who had just checked into the next room. We chatted until late about everything from the boyband 5ive, to Dexter, to Americans in Europe, and various other topics about life. They were great and reminded me why I like to travel and meet other likeminded people.
The next day was our Great Barrier Reef trip. I had no idea what to expect because I have been plenty of places that have no lived up to expectation. We decided to go out with Passions of Paradise and after a couple hours sail out of Cairns we found ourselves at a part of the reef called Michaelmas Cay. It's a very smelly island full of thousands of birds but you're there to dive and snorkel so the beach was really just a taking off point. The water itself is a beautiful deep blue, until you hit the reef where it turns green. The bits of water that you know are reef are dark dark blue/brown and you'd never guess that underneath is the most amazing thing you could ever see. The coral and whatnot were so many different colors and moved with the waves in some sort of symphony. We saw reef rays and a giant turtle and HUGE oyster-looking things that breathed and pulsed. Purples, yellows, reds, pinks...fish with beaks, square fish, round fish, long fish....seriously so beautiful I had to try not to cry. After about an hour and half we went in for lunch on the boat and the move to Paradise Reef, the second snorkel location. This one was a little deeper and further out. Because of the depth of the water when you looked down off the side of the reef it was like looking into a swirling cathedral full of fish as far as you could see. Amazing! After that it was time to head home. The way back was so much fun though. We made friends with the staff and had a great time. I was exhausted but we'd made plans to go out to this bar/restaurant called Vibe. We'd been keeping pretty early hours and thought we'd do something different for our last night, especially since it was Friday. We thought we'd hit upon the local gay scene as we walked in to boys in nurse uniforms and various other costumes. Turns out even the straight boys dress up like weirdos so it makes it all very very confusing. We had a drink or two, made friends with a kid who was absolutely my friend Matty from home, and had a great time. Tansey managed to slip on an actual banana peel and I laughed until I cried. How does that happen in real life? We ended up back in bed by 11:30 and that was good enough.
Today was laundry day and our flight to Sydney. It's rainy and it took forever but it's a lovely city that's very London-esque from what we can see. I think I'm going to like it very much.
Monday, April 12, 2010
April Showers Bring May Panic
It's April already. I can hardly understand how we got here. The semester has flown by and now I'm a month away from graduation. This has me extremely excited and extremely scared all at the same time. I'm looking forward to actually receiving a paycheck and not spending every minute slightly panicky at the homework I should be doing but am not. I'm trying to decide what I want to do, or rather, what I think I might want to do while understanding that once June rolls around, finding my ideal job will simply turn into finding any job that will allow me to keep paying my rent. I applied for a dream job in Paris. I want it but I also want the one that's going to be most right for me. Since I have no clue what I'm doing I'm trusting God to work it out for me. I think that goes with pretty much everything about my life.
So what have I been doing the last few months? That's a fine question. The start of school and start of my internship took up the rest of January. I got an interim roommate since my friend Beth moved in temporarily to save money for her move to London. She was fantastic to have around. We made good food, we drank good wine, she brought home chips and ice cream at appropriate times, and provided excellent company and conversation. I was desperately sorry to see her go a couple of weeks ago. However, I'm happy that she is living out her dreams and made it to the city she wants to be in. We were busy before her departure making sure she got to see the parts of LA she wanted to see, and then the subsequent going away gatherings. We then ended up in Las Vegas as her send off. I only had two days between that and my spring break trip to NY/DC. I just got back from that yesterday.
The trip was fantastic! I landed in New York only 20 minutes after my original eta, which is a miracle since I missed my first flight and had to fly standby on a different route. I had no problems with the first flight but the second one was nothing but stress. I ended up not making the first flight to LGA from Chicago, then I was 16th on the standby list for the second one. I didn't think I had a chance, but so many people didn't show up, that in a very dramatic ending, three of us were escorted onto the jetway so they could let us on immediately if the computer hadn't glitched and there were indeed free seats. There were! And I made the flight. Marion, whom I used to stay with when working in Pearl River, picked me up and after a giant debacle with my bag and an unexpected drive to JFK to get it, we picked up a ton of White Castle and went home for a midnight snack. The next day we just hung out until it was time for drinks with my friend Siobhan. We had a really nice visit but Saturday morning came all too early and we needed to be in Manhattan by 11am to pick up my Paris friend Rachel from her bus. She came all the way from Philly to see me!
So what have I been doing the last few months? That's a fine question. The start of school and start of my internship took up the rest of January. I got an interim roommate since my friend Beth moved in temporarily to save money for her move to London. She was fantastic to have around. We made good food, we drank good wine, she brought home chips and ice cream at appropriate times, and provided excellent company and conversation. I was desperately sorry to see her go a couple of weeks ago. However, I'm happy that she is living out her dreams and made it to the city she wants to be in. We were busy before her departure making sure she got to see the parts of LA she wanted to see, and then the subsequent going away gatherings. We then ended up in Las Vegas as her send off. I only had two days between that and my spring break trip to NY/DC. I just got back from that yesterday.
The trip was fantastic! I landed in New York only 20 minutes after my original eta, which is a miracle since I missed my first flight and had to fly standby on a different route. I had no problems with the first flight but the second one was nothing but stress. I ended up not making the first flight to LGA from Chicago, then I was 16th on the standby list for the second one. I didn't think I had a chance, but so many people didn't show up, that in a very dramatic ending, three of us were escorted onto the jetway so they could let us on immediately if the computer hadn't glitched and there were indeed free seats. There were! And I made the flight. Marion, whom I used to stay with when working in Pearl River, picked me up and after a giant debacle with my bag and an unexpected drive to JFK to get it, we picked up a ton of White Castle and went home for a midnight snack. The next day we just hung out until it was time for drinks with my friend Siobhan. We had a really nice visit but Saturday morning came all too early and we needed to be in Manhattan by 11am to pick up my Paris friend Rachel from her bus. She came all the way from Philly to see me!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Adventures with Cousin Eddie
I promised myself I'd write tonight since classes were cancelled for tomorrow. Get well, Professor! I started my job as a development intern on the 11th, which was a week before school started so I could ease my way back into having to get up in the morning. It's amazing the kind of atrophying that two years of no Monday to Friday job can cause. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday of last week exhausted me! It went really well, though, and I'm very happy to have turned down what was my first choice of NBC Universal for where I am at now. The people are a-typical hollywood and are actually really nice! They are also very fun and creative which makes me feel comfortable enough to ask any little thing I need to know. I was nervous to hand in my first script coverage (for those who don't know - 'coverage' is the term used for the notes/synopsis that's written 
after reading a screenplay.) Essentially I have to pick apart someone elses work and say what works and what doesn't. It's been an excellent learning experience for just having started. It will also be great for when I relook at my own script, and having to write three days a week has gotten my creative juices flowing so I actually want to come home and write my own stuff. It really is true for me that the more I have on my plate the more I actually get accomplished. Too much free time has been a crippler and I'm feeling more like my old confident 'I could run a small country' self.I think the lesson for this month, or really for my life, is gratitude. I am so thankful every single day for all the amazing things God keeps bringing into my life. Everytime I turn around there is more money coming in from unexpected sources just when I need it most. I can wishlist an internship and it just appears. My class schedule magically works out to be exactly what I need. Sometimes how it all weaves together is a mystery and sometimes its blatant and wonderful to watch work.
The trip to Arizona for the holidays was pretty fantastic actually...surprisngly so since we were fully expecting a nuclear meltdown of some sort. I was just grateful not to have to make the drive to Colorado again. 
Shannon came in super late Christmas Eve then we drove straight to Arizona. Since I had to be up to cook the turkey I got about 30 minutes of sleep. Dinner was a truly delightful feast and I was so happy to see a few of my most favorite cousins that I hadn't seen for years. There was alot of good conversation, alot of good teasing, and of course, visiting. That night the cousins went to see Avatar at 10:45 so by the time we were home I'd been up for over 32 hours straight. I was delirious. We had one slight bump in the weekend with our very own distant Cousin Eddie from National Lampoons. It would be rude to describe my disgust here just in case he should find his way here...but it's so very tempting. One thing is certain, there are some people that you just like right away, and there are others that have such bad, nasty energy that you loathe them immediately. This guy was the latter and what's worse is that he seems sheisty and suspicious. Anyway, the time with my family was great other than that. Shannon and I drove home Sunday and didn't do much until New Years. We spent that at a friend of a friend of a friends "Crazy Hat" Party. It was pretty ok, at least I was with my friends...at least those friends who were in town. Shan then deserted me and I spent that week getting everything in my house and life squared away in preparation for the coming crazy semester.
The house has been amazing so far. My friend Beth needed a temporary place to stay before her London move so she's been keeping me company. She came home with a supply of wine, chocolate, and potato chips the other night just when I needed it most. A fact that has only made me love her all the more. I will be sad to see her go, but glad for a couch to sleep on when I go back to London. And speaking of travelling...with the unexpected windfall I am very much being responsible and keeping it in a safe place just in case I can't find a job by the first of June. BUT there's a big part of me that keeps planning trips in my head for right after graduation. Another month in Paris would only cost me 3k, and Australia/New Zealand would cost even less. I'm only really entertaining the latter since I do really want to meet my goal of all six populated continents by the time I'm 30. I hate even thinking about the fact that my time is quickly running out! I have gotten to do so many amazing things while being unemployed the last two years, but I don't want to be greedy, so we'll have to see how it all pans out. If I get a job before graduation I'm SO there. I have penguins to see, and koalas to hug...and hobbiton to visit of course.
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