New Year, brings new....well, not really, it's the same

I have no idea how I'm already smack in the middle of January. Christmas break was great, but very fast. I found myself back in Dallas right as classes were ending and had an amazing time with my little Robert-Roo and Tami and Marion. It was a busy trip and the only thing wrong with it was that it was too short. I cried pretty much the entire time I was there I think....exaggeration of course but I'm finding it so hard to have my heart in so many places. But it was good, I was with part of the people who I call my family and it was lovely. I got back the morning after Christmas and my friend Emily from LA was already hear running all around London with my sister. We took off for Cardiff, Wales the very next morning.

I love Wales! The people were so extremely nice and in some ways the city reminded me of Anchorage, AK. But we didn't have a castle there and Cardiff does...unfortunately for Alaskans. The castle itself was pretty cool. They used to be the air raid shelter for the area and they have an exhibit in the tunnels that lets you walk through what it was like during the war. I wasn't aware that sound would be motion activated and I rushed on in only to be given a heart attack by my friend Winston Churchill as he announced England was at war. With all the sirens and whatnot pumped in it was almost a bit too real. Having to be up and around really helped me deal with the inevitable jet lag better than normal.
Anyway, after two days in Cardiff we got on the train and headed to Hereford for our bus to a little town called Hay-on-Wye. It's "A Town of Books" and has literally, 31 used book stores in this teeny quaint little town. Anyone who knows me knows you are lucky to be reading this right now as there was a good possibility I was never going to leave - the town was made just for me I swear, it even has an old ruined castle. I found some amazing things and dream of the day when I can go back. Maybe in the summer, and then I will book myself a country horse trip as well. Books and horses...Best. Town. Ever.

We spent the rest of her time here going to exhibits and football games. It was great until I realized it was 5 days before my essays were all due and I had barely begun. I got them done, however, and am trying to get a huge jump on this next semester since I have the additional stress of getting in my dissertation proposal. There are a ton of things to do and plan for and my quantitative research class is already shaping up to be a bear. I am happy though. I am trying to make plans to live in Paris for a month this summer for my dissertation research and possibly to intern....at least those are the excuses I'm using. Nothing beats Paris in the summer and the Olympics will be clogging up London and making it unbearable to do anything touristy that I'd want to do anyway. My genius plan is unfolding.

Clear as a Bell

I'll refrain from apologizing for being crap at keeping up with the blog. There was a busy couple of weeks and I lost track of time. Since the last post we have had our 'reading week' which is like a mid-term study break. Needless to say I didn't do much towards school work since Shannon and I decided to run away to Scotland instead. It was a much needed break after spending a flurry of days in our flat trying to revise resumes and cover letters for some of the graduate recruitment scheme deadlines. I've just heard I was not selected to interview so I suppose I now have no excuse but to go back to focusing on school and this blog.

Scotland was delightful, if not seriously cold and dark. It reminded me of being back in Alaska when the sun set around 3:30pm. Alaska is sadly short on ruined castles and kilts so there were some perks in the frozen north of the UK. We managed to see most of Edinburgh and took a day trip down to the borderlands in the South for a visit to Rosslyn Chapel. You'll know Rosslyn from the final scenes in The DaVinci Code. I have to say that it is far more creepy in person. It's used as a church but you get the definite feeling that the purpose for it being built had nothing to do with God. That's just my opinion but I don't feel I'm wrong. At any rate I will be glad to go back to Scotland next summer when it's a little more daylight filled and go north to the Highlands that we have heard are stunning. The train ride to and from was just beautiful and we got to remember what the ocean looked like.

Back in London it had gotten darker as well but it was a bit warmer and definitely felt even more like home. Our classes are beginning to wind down a bit and it's scary how quickly time is flying by. We hosted Thanksgiving dinner at our house yesterday. It was complete with tension, some fighting, food explosions, and at least one person ended up with a cooking injury but those are all of the things that made it feel exactly like every other Thanksgiving I've ever been to. Our turkey was beautiful and the company was lovely. We had quite a time trying to find certain things deemed 'American' in the week before. We finally came across the American foods section in the big department store Selfridge's where we happily bought Jello, canned Pumpkin, chocolate chips, and a box of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese to be savored at some point later this week. We had to face facts that Cool Whip and Pillsbury biscuit dough were not going to be found anywhere in the country. We did, however, manage to score the last two tins of French Fried Onions to be had at Sainsburys the morning of, and the green bean casserole turned out just fine. Beth has a really eclectic and truly wonderful group of friends that Shannon and I have managed to start co-opting as our own, and school is also providing some truly fantastic people that have made our transition here a little more easy. This is not to say that on Thanksgiving day while all our friends and family were back home celebrating we did not wake up a little bit sad. I think I had a generally lonely dismal day for some reason and Shannon's was similar...I believe there was a meltdown of sorts, trying to locate a pie pan. We found a pub over by Parsons Green and consoled ourselves with lamb shank and sausage and mash. There's nothing like hearty comfort food for the soul.

The next challenges will be our course assessments that will be due after Christmas. I'll be back in Dallas for some of the holidays and am hoping to get the largest chunk of the work done since I'll have a friend in town when I get back. We're not sure about the grading system here...it seems easier than the states, you only need 50% to pass. But how hard it is to get a 50%? We're not sure. Meanwhile, I'm dreaming of getting a chick-fil-a sandwich, riding in a car again, and being back somewhere familiar. No matter how much you want to be somewhere it's always hard to exist in a new world. We keep ourselves very amused though as the British have a sense of humor I can get behind. We've started discerning the various types of accents and have determined that we do not like the one we've titled 'nuffing.' The offending accent says fings like, 'Bef (Beth), would you mind helping wif the fing I asked you about? There's nuffing I can do about it from ova 'ere.' It's hilarious. Public transport is also a prime area for amusement. We were waiting for the train to leave the station the other day and the driver comes over the PA system with the normal, "Please stand clear of the doors, this train will depart shortly." That's normal. He comes on again, "Stand clear of the doors, please." And then, "STAND clear of the DOOOOOORS!!!!" The entire train started laughing. I do not want that guys job, for sure.

Sex Crackers and Pub Quiz Champions!!

I was just sitting outside and the sky was amazing. The clouds were flying past the moon and the garden is starting to fill with roses. The weekend was a load of fun...which meant I wasn't exactly as well-read for my class today as I could have been. Saturday Shannon and I went out with a plan, only to find that the tube wasn't running in our area of town. So we got familiar with the bus system very quickly. The London buses are actually a great way to get to know the city better and if you ride up top the height and perspective makes the ride a little exciting as these giant double-decker buses seem to squeeze where it doesn't seem like they should fit.
We walked up to Kensington Gardens and Palace to have a quick look around and then spent the rest of the afternoon in a shopping frenzy on the high street. I came with almost no appropriate clothing and now I have a perfectly serviceable wardrobe mostly. We got back home and spent the rest of the night relaxing and eating the pumpkin soup Shan made.
The next morning we meant to do the chores of going to find more hangers and stopping at the hardware store to rig up something to insulate and close up the chimney holes. We ended up going for a jog in our park and then got caught up cleaning for the lunch party Beth had planned. The walk was beautiful again, I swear I'll have pictures of that in the next post. The Thames was low and there were dozens of rowers fighting for space with the swans in the diminished water. We were laughing as the coaches would follow behind in their nice motorized boats, yelling out instructions with their megaphones. If I were sweating it out, I might have a few choice words for where that megaphone could go.
Anyway, the lunch party turned more to a dinner party as the lack of transport made the guests later than expected. No matter, we had wine and appetizers while we waited for Beth's dinner of roast pork, goat cheese and mushroom polenta, and green beans. For dessert a chocolate and pear tart. It was very good! There wasn't too much time after clean-up before we were due to leave for the pub quiz at our new favorite place, The Pear Tree.
It's not too far from here and the atmosphere and staff are really great. We tried to do the quiz last week but it was suspended for some sort of impromptu play. This week it was on! A hilarious and heavily accented Scotsman was heading up the somewhat unusual quiz. He kept saying at one point, 'six crackers,' which sounded like 'sex crackers.' Jokes, jokes... Beth's friend Max, Shannon, Beth, and myself. There was a 10 question 'general' knowledge part, which we thought we did okay at until he read the answers later. One particular question - "Harvard did a study asking people this....If you were in a port-a-loo(potty for those in the states, which I think is everyone) and you were sitting down to have a number two, and you look up to see the ceiling covered in spiders do you a. finish and then go or b. run like the wind." Needless to say there was no lack of interesting discussion as we tried to figure out what people would have said.

There were other parts - anagrams, which we sucked at....alot. A movie section. And then a section that looked like the last round of family feud. You know, pick the most popular answer out of 100 people surveyed? That one was my responsibility. The random section where you did a little red/black betting, went to Max who managed to score a massive 7 points. And last, but not least, was what they call a bush trucker trial...yeah ok. Apparently it can be like a fear factor thing...luckily for her it was just 5 giant crackers and what turned out to be a shot of balsamic vinegar. She and nine other people raced to finish the crackers and then take the shot of vinegar. The early lead went to some guy who polished off three but Shannon came up from behind and kicked the pants out of everyone! It was amazing. The entire pub was in a frenzy. Somehow even with our crap answers the first round, and dismal showing in the anagrams we ended up winning. And the prize was a bottle of champagne...bad news bears. This morning didn't feel stellar but it was so worth it.

Life in London

We're finally living in London! I can't believe it's been over two weeks already. We've had some troubles with actually getting internet in our apartment and the sketchy one we've been paying for has finally decided to work properly so I thought I'd start my blog again.

We got here and pretty much jumped right into things. We had welcome drinks at the wine bar down the street with our roommate, get signed up for classes, and everything else administrative that needed to be done. And that sentence makes it sound so much easier than it was. The first week or so it seemed like we hit every possible frustration and annoyance. The dogs had a bit of trouble but managed to make it here. From money issues, to having pants too long for shoes that weren't comfortable enough to walk anywhere, to the Tube pass machines not taking credit cards for no good reason...it has been a bit of a struggle but we've managed alright. What is most surprising is how at home I feel here.

I've joined the university chorus which makes me proud of myself. Since I'm normally terribly lazy I struggle to make the changes in my life I want to see. I said before I came I wanted to get back to singing and now I have. Now after the first rehearsal I realize that so much disuse of my voice has cost me most of my range. Oh well, practice will help. Poor neighbors...

We've been getting the in's and out's of traffic here as well. Apparently a green man doesn't always mean walk if you're in the driver's seat. A car nearly hit a group of us and one girl yelled out, "IT'S BLOODY GREEN!" Which just made me laugh like a maniac. For the same language there are quite a few sayings that do not translate or they translate but the comic factor is out of this world. Some of the girls in my program and I went for coffee in the cafe that is actually inside Russell Gardens (very pretty) and discussed the differences. Speaking of my program. I really love it! Global Migration and UCL was definitely the right choice. There is only one guy in the program, which is hilarious, and the group is very diverse. There are quite a few countries represented which brings an interesting dimension to discussions - England, Estonia, Norway, Canada, Italy, Romania, etc.

Well, it is time I did my reading for my International European and Refugee Law course....yeah I'm hoping it's not as bad as it sounds. Pictures to be posted on the next entry.

Continuous Lessons in Patience and Faith

I'm rather sad that I never got around to blogging more than one time on my trip. It seemed so busy and hurried with a lack of real Internet access so I just left it alone. In a short recap, the trip was amazing. I truly fell in love with Australia and New Zealand and how beautiful the countries and people were. Under the surface of the trip I was dealing with anxiety and depression due to a lack of direction now that school is done. I did my best not to ruin the experience and I did a decent job. But I think I needed to get to that place so the trip would really do what it was supposed to do and reconnect me, on a very fundamental level, with my Creator. Ever since my life fell apart I've had to rely less and less on myself and more and more on Him. Now that all safety nets are gone I'm having to cling to God alone. Seeing the unique beauty of that part of the world changed everything. I was lucky enough to stay with my amazing friend Marianne and her wonderful family in Auckland. They were such a blessing and while I was there I grabbed The Purpose Driven Life off of her bookshelf. It came in the nick of time and I highly recommend it to anyone. Especially if you were where I was and wondering what the point of this life is and where you fit in it.
The most life-changing experience was the skydiving we did in Taupo, New Zealand, on the 2nd to last day of our trip. We'd had it in mind to go the whole trip but money concerns and the fact that it turned really really cold while we were there seemed to be prohibitive. However, I couldn't get over the nagging feeling that if I didn't at least try to go I'd forever be disappointed in myself. So at 3pm we walked over to the tourist i-site just to ask. Before I knew it we were driving to the airport, suited up, and I was strapped to some guy named Joel. They were very fun and very professional while doing things like putting our hair up and goggles on as we went up, up, up to 12,000 ft in the air. The day couldn't have been more perfect - the sky was blue, the lake pristine, and the snow storm we'd been caught in the day before had snow-capped the most stunning mountains I've seen in a long time. Before I knew it I was blindly following some stranger's instructions to put my legs out of the plane, head on his shoulder, smile for the camera, then..... nothing....and everything all at once. I swear my heart stopped for about 5 seconds while my brain tried to figure out what was happening. Unless you do it yourself there is no describing the feeling. At that moment you are completely inside yourself as you've just let go of any and all things familiar, the air is rushing past you and in those moments you are existing in perfect faith. Faith that your instructor knows what they're doing, faith the parachute will open, but you literally have let go of everything and are holding onto truly and simply to faith, and faith alone. After the initial shock wore off I realized my glasses had slid up so I couldn't see well, and I had to force my mouth open so I could breath. At 120mph, nose-breathing doesn't work. Before you know it the parachute has been pulled and you are suspended, utterly weightless over one of the most beautiful places on this planet. It was wild! The experience completely defined the entire trip and everything I've been dealing with for the last few months, although it would just be the beginning of new realizations. For the next week my mind would flash back and I'd be there again - the wind rushing past my ears, the breathlessness - even now it can still stop my brain in its tracks.
Tansey and I had to struggle not to cry all the way home. Along with a horrible case of jet lag and trip hangover, an even worse depression settled in and took over. I couldn't sleep enough and when I was awake I could barely function. I went to the Bible alot during that time looking for help. I couldn't figure out why I was experiencing a complete 180 with all of my priorities. Detachment had started to take hold in a way it never had. I especially noticed this when clearing out the house to do a garage sale so I could pay bills. Everything I had once cherished and valued so highly was becoming distant. Every time I would hesitate over a particular item the only thing I could hear in my head was, "Give me your pearls." Which is out of a story I always tell about giving God what you think is so precious so he can give you something even more valuable.
I also couldn't explain away the constant nagging feeling that everything was shifting and about to change drastically, and the feeling that maybe I wasn't supposed to stay in LA after all. More free-falling I suppose. These feelings were only confirmed when the first get-together at Tam's when I got back and our friend John announced he was moving back to Florida. Sometimes I hate being perceptive. I think I had this idea that when I turned 30 I'd be ready to pack it in and hang up my adventure shoes for some 'settled' life with a home and kids. Now that it's nearly here I am realizing that I don't want that anymore, maybe I never truly did, at least not in the traditional nuclear form. I'm also coming to terms with the new things I DO want for myself. With my life completely in God's hands, I've let go of the steering wheel and am awaiting instructions. I've done that before though and still I find parts of myself that I've held back. Letting go is a continuous thing, something you have to do everyday. I can't get over the odd feeling that I'm sitting at the bus station without a clear destination, but I need to be ready. So far he's provided my rent and bill money when I ran out of every source I could think of. Shannon made a fine point that since we're both such 'doers' maybe this is our lesson to 'do' less and trust more.
So far I've applied for some NGO and UN jobs in Paris, London, Boston, and quite a few jobs here in LA. The epiphany that eventually Shannon and I want to open our own non-profit has been enlightening. But I'm impatient at times. The waiting is very tiring and frustrating and scary but there is something exhilarating about letting go and letting God. We can always say that we're doing that but when we're comfortable with savings accounts, employment, friends...we don't really have to. My pastor Erwin says that if we're not living life half scared out of our minds most of the time then we're not living up to God's potential for our lives. We have to clear out things and give him room to do the fantastic. Because at this point and in this market it will take a miracle to find me the perfect job and that just what I expect Him to do. Whatever it may be, wherever it may be at.
I also keep thinking about a question my Aunt posted on my wall when I mentioned my OZ/NZ trip about how I can afford to travel so much while unemployed. I've pondered it alot because the worry that I haven't been a very good steward with the money I was given keeps pestering me. The only answer I could come up with is that in my quest to picture God as my father, a real father, which does not at all resemble MY real one, I've come to understand that sometimes he spoils you. I never had a 'daddy' relationship where as a little girl you can bat your eyelashes and say "please" as sweetly as possible and you get a new pony just by asking for it. My relationship with my Dad is nothing like that relationship, and I've found the idea fascinating. I just remember back to when I was trying to find the means to study abroad but kept striking out. I had just met with the school counselor who did nothing for me but improve my loans so they would eventually cost me less. After initial disappointment I took a breathe and thanked God for giving me what I needed instead of what I had wanted. That very afternoon the money for the trip came from an unexpected source and I stood amazed. Sometimes Dad's spoil their daughters, or so I'm told, and I can't help but feel like a very lucky 'spoiled' child with the number of things God has allowed me to do in my life. Now I need my 'Dad' to use his connections to score me whatever job he wants me in to do what I can for Him. That's the only way I can think to look at it.

There's not ONE game in this arcade!

The above quote is from Tansey and boy did I laugh. We went to one of the shopping arcades here in Cairns and she didn't know that an arcade isn't always a place for video games. It's an easy enough misunderstanding but it was pretty funny.

So we've started our adventure and the last few days have been almost overwhelming they've been so amazing. We started off with a record 16.5 hour flight per the flight attendant. Due to headwinds and a late start out of LA that pushed our travel time up exponentially. This caused us to miss our flight out of Melbourne so we had to fly to Brisbane and then up to Cairns. Nothing like doing a whole city-hopping tour without actually getting to see the city. After 24 hours of time just in the air, we arrived in pretty good shape. Our hostel, the lovely Caravella Backpackers Resort on the waterfront, upgraded us to our own double room and we went out to get dinner. Cairns is a very tropical place that seems really similar to Hawaii...with the addition of cockatoos and giant fruit bats that fly around at will. Our first night at sunset the sky filled up with the bats in flight like a scene out of Van Helsing. I have to say they creep me out quite a bit but really they just look like foxes with bat wings. Bizarre. Our first day we spent wandering around the town. We did a bit of shopping at the mall and did my favorite thing to do in a foreign city - Visit the grocery store. It's by far the most fun ever and there were plenty of funny names of things and novelty items we got to purchase. Don't worry we got pictures and there will be a whole separate "Hilarious Products" section once I finally post pictures. After dropping our purchases we wandered down the beach for a couple of miles to start. It's a little weird because the water almost completely leaves the harbor for low tide. We made our way over to the botanical gardens and did not realize just how far they were, so we walked, and walked, and walked. This seems to be a theme with me and traveling. We were so tired, sore, and cranky by the time we got back for dinner we could have died. However, it was SO worth it as we happened upon the rain forest boardwalk in the center of the gardens. It was a real rain forest where it actually happened to rain on us and it was so strange and lovely all at the same time. There were butterflies hanging all over the place and giant caterpillars straight out of Alice in Wonderland. Well worth the pain.
The next day we got relatively early and decided to hit the Cairns Tropical Zoo. It's low season so there weren't many people there. We had wallabies and kangaroos come up to us right away because they must have smelled the feed we'd been given at the entrance. The little kangaroo grabbed my hands and ate right out of them. It was amazing. The whole place was just medium sized but everything was so hands on it was like no zoo I'd ever been to before. We attended most of the feedings and talks and the red panda bear was by far my favorite. Well, besides the koalas. I kept pondering how to smuggle one out of the zoo but figured the odds of success vs. the jail time probably wouldn't be worth it. We got to hold one for a picture which was super cool. Tansey ended up in bed early and I went outside to write but ended up running into a lovely couple from London who had just checked into the next room. We chatted until late about everything from the boyband 5ive, to Dexter, to Americans in Europe, and various other topics about life. They were great and reminded me why I like to travel and meet other likeminded people.

The next day was our Great Barrier Reef trip. I had no idea what to expect because I have been plenty of places that have no lived up to expectation. We decided to go out with Passions of Paradise and after a couple hours sail out of Cairns we found ourselves at a part of the reef called Michaelmas Cay. It's a very smelly island full of thousands of birds but you're there to dive and snorkel so the beach was really just a taking off point. The water itself is a beautiful deep blue, until you hit the reef where it turns green. The bits of water that you know are reef are dark dark blue/brown and you'd never guess that underneath is the most amazing thing you could ever see. The coral and whatnot were so many different colors and moved with the waves in some sort of symphony. We saw reef rays and a giant turtle and HUGE oyster-looking things that breathed and pulsed. Purples, yellows, reds, pinks...fish with beaks, square fish, round fish, long fish....seriously so beautiful I had to try not to cry. After about an hour and half we went in for lunch on the boat and the move to Paradise Reef, the second snorkel location. This one was a little deeper and further out. Because of the depth of the water when you looked down off the side of the reef it was like looking into a swirling cathedral full of fish as far as you could see. Amazing! After that it was time to head home. The way back was so much fun though. We made friends with the staff and had a great time. I was exhausted but we'd made plans to go out to this bar/restaurant called Vibe. We'd been keeping pretty early hours and thought we'd do something different for our last night, especially since it was Friday. We thought we'd hit upon the local gay scene as we walked in to boys in nurse uniforms and various other costumes. Turns out even the straight boys dress up like weirdos so it makes it all very very confusing. We had a drink or two, made friends with a kid who was absolutely my friend Matty from home, and had a great time. Tansey managed to slip on an actual banana peel and I laughed until I cried. How does that happen in real life? We ended up back in bed by 11:30 and that was good enough.

Today was laundry day and our flight to Sydney. It's rainy and it took forever but it's a lovely city that's very London-esque from what we can see. I think I'm going to like it very much.

April Showers Bring May Panic

It's April already. I can hardly understand how we got here. The semester has flown by and now I'm a month away from graduation. This has me extremely excited and extremely scared all at the same time. I'm looking forward to actually receiving a paycheck and not spending every minute slightly panicky at the homework I should be doing but am not. I'm trying to decide what I want to do, or rather, what I think I might want to do while understanding that once June rolls around, finding my ideal job will simply turn into finding any job that will allow me to keep paying my rent. I applied for a dream job in Paris. I want it but I also want the one that's going to be most right for me. Since I have no clue what I'm doing I'm trusting God to work it out for me. I think that goes with pretty much everything about my life.

So what have I been doing the last few months? That's a fine question. The start of school and start of my internship took up the rest of January. I got an interim roommate since my friend Beth moved in temporarily to save money for her move to London. She was fantastic to have around. We made good food, we drank good wine, she brought home chips and ice cream at appropriate times, and provided excellent company and conversation. I was desperately sorry to see her go a couple of weeks ago. However, I'm happy that she is living out her dreams and made it to the city she wants to be in. We were busy before her departure making sure she got to see the parts of LA she wanted to see, and then the subsequent going away gatherings. We then ended up in Las Vegas as her send off. I only had two days between that and my spring break trip to NY/DC. I just got back from that yesterday.

The trip was fantastic! I landed in New York only 20 minutes after my original eta, which is a miracle since I missed my first flight and had to fly standby on a different route. I had no problems with the first flight but the second one was nothing but stress. I ended up not making the first flight to LGA from Chicago, then I was 16th on the standby list for the second one. I didn't think I had a chance, but so many people didn't show up, that in a very dramatic ending, three of us were escorted onto the jetway so they could let us on immediately if the computer hadn't glitched and there were indeed free seats. There were! And I made the flight. Marion, whom I used to stay with when working in Pearl River, picked me up and after a giant debacle with my bag and an unexpected drive to JFK to get it, we picked up a ton of White Castle and went home for a midnight snack. The next day we just hung out until it was time for drinks with my friend Siobhan. We had a really nice visit but Saturday morning came all too early and we needed to be in Manhattan by 11am to pick up my Paris friend Rachel from her bus. She came all the way from Philly to see me!