School starts Monday...darn! I am both excited to go back to classes and 'blah' about it at the same time. I didn't get the exact schedule I wanted, which means I have to take an extra class but at least it's one that's online. I'm enjoying the last week of freedom but mostly I'm just bored. Not exactly bored but right now I am struggling with patience and waiting. Everything I want is concreted into a process. It will all happen, it just has to happen eventually. I'm working on getting the discipline to stop wasting my time sitting around waiting for it but to live in the now and get stuff done. It's not that I don't have stuff to do so it's just a matter of shifting the focus. I'm very much the kind of person who will stay up all night to get something done that needs to be done and none of these things call for that kind of work ethic.
There has been alot of relationship-type news this week from all fronts and most of it makes me want to scream, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE?" Are we so fundamentally opposed to being alone that we marry in haste, or deal with crazy people, or get married at 19, or any number of stupid things I've heard this week. What is so wrong with solitude?? Not saying I've got it all together or that I do everything right, but with the wealth of bad examples around me I don't see any reason not to be absolutely cautious before jumping into something with another human being who is just as flawed and full of issues as I am. And no matter what our emotions say, love is not enough. I've loved a number of people in my life that I would not be able to stand on a daily basis. Really LIKING someone is key, also getting to know them well enough that you figure out their flaws and decide whether or not they're flaws you want to deal with is helpful. Everyone has them, and we all have different things that we will and will not handle. I'd rather not do all this figuring out after the fact. More important is knowing myself. If I don't know myself and my good and bad points, what I like and don't like, how on earth will I be able to accurately assess a decent partner. It's like walking into a car dealership with no idea what you want or need. 5 hours later and you're walking out the door with something that may or may not have decent gas mileage or trunk space and then you spend the next however long realizing that something else would have fit you so much better. But at least it's pretty on the outside, right? And it seemed like a good idea at the time because of the adrenaline rush of actually purchasing something that's just yours. What kills me more is the people who have had failed major relationships including marriages and have no issue jumping right back in. Someone failed to learn their valuable lesson here. Maybe my standards are impossibly high. The fact that I've only met about 4 people in the last 10 years that even come close to good enough might evidence this but I dare you to tell me that I need to lower them. I've had enough experience to know exactly what I do and don't need in a partner and I'm not afraid to wait for it. I may not LIKE waiting for it, but I'll do it anyway. I grew up in a war zone and I refuse to reconstruct that for my future. Obviously I am slightly annoyed at this point but I just have trouble understanding what everyone else is thinking.
No comments:
Post a Comment