Christmas Trees are people too

Shannon got a job offer last week...yay! I hadn't expected her to leave so soon but a little over a week later and she drives out tomorrow. I've been okay, then not okay, then okay again. She's been pretty much the same. It'll be good for both of us. As you can see, I'm kind of avoiding talking about it.

For those not suffering here in California, I'd just like to let you all know that it's still hot. Still summer. It's not fair! I'm ready for comfy sweatshirts and jeans on a chilly night. I'm ready to not use my air-conditioner anymore. I'm ready for rain, and marginally cleaner air. I am sneezing my head off worse than usual. Dear Mr. Weather, I hate your stinking guts....
In spite of the weather outside it's starting to feel very holidayish. We went to Disneyland for Shannon's last hurrah on Wednesday and they were all decorated for Halloween, and the Haunted Mansion was already switched over to the Nightmare Before Christmas settings, which run from now into the new year. I've decided I'm a real grown-up (sort of) and decided to buy a Christmas tree this year. I just purchased it via walmart.com and the free 'ship to store.' I am SO excited. I have a big front window to put it in and if you didn't know, there isn't anything I love more than Christmas...except for maybe my birthday. I don't normally get into all that sappy, cutesy housewares and decoration stuff but here comes Christmas and all of a sudden I find myself seriously contemplating that $35 baking pan for 8 mini bread loafs that have Christmas shaped indentations on the bottom for shaped bread. Adorable little christmas gift-shaped napkin rings, cake platters, punch bowls...it's bad news bears. Luckily a lack of funds has me restraining myself for the most part, but since I plan on spending quite a bit of time by myself I figure a nice tree of my very own will be just the thing to accompany a cup of hot coffee, and my 'N Sync Christmas album. YES, I just said 'N Sync....I LOVE that album. Shut it.
Also, none of this real tree crap. I bought a good old-fashioned fake tree, like the kind I grew up with. I have serious problems seeing all the poor little abandoned, DEAD trees, laying like carcasses all over the city once the holidays are done. They used to be loved, they used to be the beautiful centerpieces of people's time of joyful giving, now just forgotten about and dead. I would feel guilt, more guilt than I could handle. I have a real problem with giving inanimate objects thoughts and feelings. Imagine me with my dolls and stuffed animals as a child. I could never throw them around or leave them on the floor because what if it hurt their feelings? Needless to say, Toy Story did nothing to help me get over these issues. I have a huge amount of guilt this very minute over the fact that my old Cabbage Patch dolls are currently stuffed in a Von Dutch bag in the top of my closet. Oh! Shouldn't have thought of that...oh no...what if they can't breathe? I try to push it out of my head but alas, knowing me I'd have an old dead tree sitting in my living room for the next 5 years or I'd have to transport it to a faraway location to drop it off. It would feel too much like commiting murder and dumping the body.

Welcome to the zoo...literally

I consider it some kind of accomplishment that I seem to
be managing to post once a week. For me, the ultimate procrastinator, that's an achievement. I survived my first weekend back at work, and at a part-time job surrounded by 19 year olds no less. Funny story...

We were sitting in training talking about ourselves. The two girls I was training with are 18 and 19 and they asked how old I was. I said, "Well I'm old, I'm 27." Immediately they squealed, "OH MY GOSH, YOU DON'T LOOK THAT OLD AT ALL." It took all I had not to roll my eyes and hit them with my cane.

>

Anyway, my first shift certainly brought back memories - having to cash out and hope you're not too short or too over, having to explain to a pissed off woman why we can't take her husbands credit card without her husband being present, etc. Some things were new to me. My first real day was Saturday, the busiest day of the week and I had the unfortunate luck to be assigned the cash register next to the big fluff wagon. That's what I call it anyway. It's a giant machine that swirls around the cotton we use to stuff the animal skins we sell....essentially a Build-a-Bear station but with more than just bears. I managed like a pro on my first one and the rest of the ones that day, but on Sunday I totally forgot to take my foot off the pedal before removing the lion skin I was stuffing and POOF! I had white cotton from head to toe. It was pretty hilarious and I totally had it coming for laughing at my fellow newby for doing the same thing the day before. The kids of course think it's hilarious, and it really was. I forgot how exhausting it is to smile and smile and smile some more while trying to squash the three required things I have to say into a conversation with a parent who is trying to yell at their child, wrangle a stroller, and find their money all at the same time. Two hours in and I had an easy flow. I am a retail pro after all. I was waiting to actually make it through my two 8 hour shifts before tentatively saying this...but...I think I love it. As much as one can love a part-time job in retail. The people I work with are really nice, the guests are mostly great, and it's fabulous being outside in the fresh air near meerkats and otters. It's also nice being part of something. I was reminded of this as I was getting our lunch and she gave me an oversized slice of sandwich because I was staff. Did I mention they feed you for free? Only averaging 10 hours a week or so will keep me loving it too.

Someone walked by us while we were training and said, Welcome to the zoo! I totally laughed because normally when people say that they're totally kidding.

Chickens with Chainsaws

This week (obviously my idea of 'week' doesn't run from weekend to weekend) ended up getting super hectic. I finally went to sign papers for my job on Friday. I start this coming Friday....finally. Hopefully this heat wave will be done by then because I'm more than ready for fall.

Saturday brought Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Studios. Shannon and I went by ourselves this year and had so much fun! For those who might not know what that is, it's a special night event at the park throughout October where they turn alot of attractions into scary mazes and there are all kinds of live characters running around on the streets trying to scare you. The best maze is usually the walk through the Backlot where they actually have Norman Bates and a bunch of dead folks hanging out at the Bates Motel and Pyscho house. They also had some large people in bloody chicken suits walking around with chainsaws. I have to say that those made me giggle insanely more than they made me shiver in horror. At one point Shan and I stopped for some ice cream and made the mistake of sitting near a 'scare zone' on a low wall. All of a sudden I look up and these two creepy girls in masks with pigtails have positioned themselves way too close and are just staring. This went on for almost 5 minutes and all you can do is laugh nervously and whisper, "Should we go?" "No, I refuse to lose this battle of wills." Needless to say the whole scene was quite amusing for the passersby. Eventually they went away to chase some girl who yelled in their ears but I have to say it creeped me out just a little.

In other news I actually caught the vice-presidential and last nights presidential debates. I am ashamed to say that I haven't heard either candidate speak very much at all but after listening to both I am now completely comfortable voting for Obama. He is direct and competent and hopefully bulletproof. I also really like Biden so go democrats go! I recant earlier statements about needing more experience and so on. The more I think about it the more I feel like a fresh look at things is exactly what we need. Besides, look at the idiot that's been in office for the last 8 years, surely a whole family's worth of experience didn't save him from being a complete moron. The president has hundreds of people in his employ who each have a field of expertise to give advise in and pure common sense can take you far. What we need is someone who can lead people, someone people can get behind and have confidence in, and most importantly, someone who can at least give the illusion that he knows what's going on.

One is the Loneliest Number aka Insomnia - Episode 382

I seem to have some sort of mental block or something that refuses to let me actually fall asleep the night before classes. The other 5 nights a week I can pass out no problem, but come Monday or Wednesday night and I am wide awake wishing for sleep until it's practically time for me to get up and stumble to my car. It's hot tonight and I can't even sleep in my bedroom so I'm out here on the couch with the AC running. One of the dogs has taken over 75% of my pillow but it's so cute I don't mind sharing because it's not like I can actually sleep anyway!

Shannon's been gone for just a few days and is coming back Wednesday but it's been a disturbing glimpse into what life might be like once she leaves here for good. She's flying to DC for an interview next week, so she's leaving me to my own devices again. I suppose I should get used to it but let's just say it hasn't gone that well. Without adult supervision I have a tendency to wonder around the apartment, periodically checking my empty fridge, obsessively checking my email, watching random documentaries on TV, and generally feeling sorry for my poor lonely self. Not that when she's here much of that changes, since I have hit an extremely low point on the self-discipline/motivation chart, but it's the company part that counts. I have never lived alone with the exception of my last year in Florida when I went to school 18 hours a week and worked two jobs totaling 60 hours a week. When I was home it was to fall, exhausted, onto my mattress for the 2 to 4 hours of time I had between things. I do enjoy the no compromises factor of living alone, and when she's gone I'll have the entire closet to myself. But at this juncture that is no substitute for losing my bestest friend to the other side of the country.

Most of me knows that this is good for me...kind of like being well enough to be taken off the painkillers or released from the hospital, I am now well enough to lose my last crutch. She's held me up through all of the insanity of the last year and it is her time to move forward with what life holds for her. She's going to get this stupid job, I just know it, because I don't think it's any random coincidence that Amy and Joey moved out here and Julia is also moving back just at the time when she might go. I know it helps her out to know that her disgustingly pathetic sister won't be left without good friends around to keep her from going nuts. I apologize for the self-indulgent whining but right now I'm so sad and I can't help it. I know there are plenty of people who live alone and it doesn't kill them, but I don't care for it. I've always had a rotating door of roomates, friends, etc. It's no comfort to know that I need for it to be this way when most of my friends return home to boyfriends, girlfriends or roomates. Without someone to kick my butt into gear I have a bad tendancy to find any excuse not to leave my house, but maybe that's what I need. To be totally left to myself to find it in me to push myself into doing all the things I need to do such as exercise, write, and whatever else I push off because I have a distraction. I can only spend so much time reading the same news on Yahoo before I will settle down and get my crap together.

One of my friends told me recently that she thinks that out of everyone that I'm doing it right. That I left relationships that I knew weren't right for me and have been making choices to become the person I need to be to find the person that IS right. She may be correct but that doesn't make the process and the nights I sit by myself unable to sleep, crying (which luckily have become fewer and farther between, the crying ones anyway) any less painful. Blah, stupid crying, stupid headache. I took two blue-green Advil in the medicine cabinet that I hope represents the sleepy kind. Hurray for being up in 4 hours.

P.S. Just to disclaimer in case my sarcasm is missed - I am SO incredibly excited that she might actually have a job in the city she wants (and needs) to move to...but she knows that, so I get to revel in my selfishness unchecked.

Death makes me think too much

I was laughing on the phone with Jillian about nothing very consequential when Shannon interrupts me with the news that her best friend Melanie called to tell her that her Mom passed away suddenly. In a minute life turned very serious. There, on the right, is Shannon and Mels at Shan's graduation in April. Mels is a 3rd year law student, her mom was barely 50 and there were no signs before the massive heart attack occured. They were Shannon's second family while she was in undergrad since she was so far from home. It was sobering, as death always is. My Mom has had her parents around for 60 years. Mels is 24. Death is a necessity as everything has it's opposite, but the manner and timing are all so weird and funky. Needed there ASAP, Shannon found a great ticket on priceline.com yesterday for $330 bucks and flew out to Atlanta this morning.

In other news I still haven't started working yet, which is totally fine with me. I finally got a very non-specific message that orientation will probably be sometime next week. Great. I got all my student loan funding and so I am set until next September. Life is slowly shifting into another 'era.' My friend Julia got laid off this week from her failing company and it was just another kick in the pants, courtesy of life, sending her in the correct direction. Luckily for me that direction is L.A....not that Santa Barbara is far, but it's certainly not convenient for going out to dinner on a whim. Los Feliz is much closer and that's where she's looking to move. I'm trying to reign in the excitement to be a good friend as she's not as 100% excited to be leaving her fabulous apartment and what was her life for the last 4 years. This I understand all too well. But... *whispering loudly* I'M STILL SO EXCITED. Jillian is about to murder someone out of sheer loneliness and I told her that if she didn't live in BOCA that maybe we would drift in that direction. I keep holding out that our presence will pull on her like a magnetic force and she'll eventually move out here too.

Fat little Mii

We finally got a Wii Fit because Tam 'knew a guy.' Luckily it wasn't as shady as it sounded. It is SO much fun but also one of the harshest pieces of electronics out there. You start out with your choice of Mii figure that you've probably already designed to look like you. Once your Mii is chosen you go through a few balance tests and they weigh you and calculate your BMI. As your weight goes up your skinny Mii body balloons up to match your weight. See pink figure above. It's mortifying for us overweight folks.*L I guess its good for motivation though. You can weigh yourself whenever and they give you a little weight loss plan if necessary. There are fun games (see Mii as penguin above) that disguise activity for good fun. It's pretty easy to get an hour a day in and in addition to games there are aerobic, strength training, and yoga exercises. Everyone should get one. I need to get my fat little Mii shrunk down to a normal size.

In other news I did actually get the job at the zoo. One of the gorillas got sick and they needed a replacement...just kidding, although there have been plenty of unmerciful jokes made by my friends. Jerks. I was supposed to hear by Monday if I got the job but apparently there had been some sort of personal emergency and she couldn't call anyone until 4 days later. So, yay, and they do have an elephant so that'll suffice for no penguins. I figure that I can use the extra money towards a summer study abroad program in France. Besides the obvious bonus of being in the south of France it'll be very good for my floundering listening skills in French.

Run little hamster, run

To the left you'll see my friend Bethany in Santa Monica. I was particularly proud of the photo so I'm sharing it.

I have had a headache for days. When I say headache I mean that it feels like I could have a 1lb brain tumor pushing on my skull. It's possible that the hamster in the wheel in my head is trying to make a break for it through my ear...hmmmm...that could be a problem. At any rate, I'm dropping smoking and these diet pill things I've been on. I need to do both of those anyway so keep your fingers crossed. It's hard to jog when you're gasping for breath.

Things have quieted down at my house, sort of. I've been keeping busy with visiting friends and I've started working for my two friends Kerstin and Tami to construct their website. They've got a fabulous business selling unique baby gifts and once I'm done with the website I'll post the link here so you can go look. I'm trying not to be totally annoyed that I did not get the job with the zoo. I'm not entirely sure why I didn't get a call but it didn't bode well when she said, "I wanted to give a wide range of people a chance but after looking at your resume, well, I just couldn't help but wonder why you'd want to work here?" I thought I made it very clear that I needed something very part-time, something VERY simple. It reminded me of that scene from American Beauty:

Mr. Smiley's Manager: I don't think you'd fit in here.
Lester: I have fast food experience.
Mr. Smiley's Manager: Yeah, like twenty years ago!
Lester: Well, I'm sure there have been amazing technological advances in the industry, but surely you must have some sort of training program. It seems unfair to presume I won't be able to learn.

She also made comments about how I've always moved up to management and I certainly hope she wasn't in fear for her job. I couldn't even begin to guess. Julia was mistaken and they don't have penguins there anyway, so whatever. It must be God's way of telling me to get my butt in gear and write my book, that I have actually started, by the way. Maybe by telling everyone I'll be pressured into finishing it. Speaking of which, I got a compliment on my writing from an unexpected source today. And considering that this person does not hand out compliments like candy, especially to a former foe, I took it very seriously.