Shoe drama

It's late, considering that I have to work another 8 hour shift in retail hell in about just as many hours. I haven't written in awhile though and I feel I must. I just got off the phone with zappos.com, from whom I bought a lovely pair of shoes for my next few trips. I checked the status because they upgraded my shipping for free and I wanted to know when to expect them. According to the site they were delivered, per UPS, this morning! Yay! No yay. I checked all 8 of my apartment building doors and no box. I then realize that they've shipped it to my old address because of a billing address snafu and an auto-check box mishap. SO IRRITATING! So it being only a mile away and all I get into my car and do a drive-by of my old house...the whole time praying that the new people are out of town. No such luck. Yes, I have no problem hopping in my car at midnight to stalk a pair of shoes at my old house. It's all been worked out but what a pain.

I leave for DC on Thursday morning. I'm looking forward to visiting Shannon. I've been rushed with all the holiday activities and now a solid work schedule. I was part of the Brown family Christmas activities this year since I couldn't go see my family. Julia and I went down for their Hanukkah celebration on Saturday. They moved it to that day just for me. I was disappointed that there were no bacon-wrapped little smokies this time. Yes, you read that right, Hanukkah and bacon-wrapped sausages...they're not very traditional. We did have latkes and brisket. After about my 25th latke I was near death...but I had...to...have...just...one...more. The argument over whether they were better with sour cream or apple sauce was fierce, but I was outvoted and the applesauce won. I graduated from child to adult and am now allowed to call Mr. Brown, Richard, but that freaks me out so I might just stick with Sir. I also spent Christmas down in the OC with them and we ate a lovely dinner at TGI Friday's with the worst server ever, and went to see the Curious Case of Benjamin Button. It was a little long but I think that it is worth another viewing or two. It was beautifully dont but it made me panicky about the brevity of life, as if I needed any help with that. I was always the child who dreamed about it being the last day of camp on the first day of camp. My anxiety about my youth or beautiful moments being over never gives me much rest. I also have some sort of odd disbelief that I will ever be old. I somehow felt that if I simply will it to be so, I will never get old and wrinkly. This all changed when I started examining my hands and thought, "Wait, were those...those weren't there before!?!" Age spots! Light brown, hardly noticeable but age spots all the same. I've now started putting sunscreen on my exposed arms and hands. Sadly it's a battle I'll inevitably lose. Maybe by the time I'm old they'll have a treatment for excessive wrinkles that is a little less barbaric and disgusting than face lifts and botox. Or maybe we should spend less money on research for such shallow things and put all the time and energy towards a cure for childhood cancer, or asthma or whatever. I have asthma and nothing else matters when you can't breathe. Hmm, I think there's a commercial that used to say that. Either way, it's very true. And for those of you who have no concept of what having asthma is like. Try the demonstration I used for a speech I did once. Go fetch yourself a couple of those teeny tiny coffee straws. Now try to breathe strictly on the air that you can suck through them. Picture it even worse if you've walked fast or been jogging and your heart rate is up. No fun.

Anyway I am pms-y so everything is a little more dramatic and worse than it would be normally. In reality everything is fine, shoes and work aside. I didn't get financial aid for study abroad. But the amazing part is that after saying a few prayers of thanks for giving me what I needed not what I wanted (the financial aid lady was super helpful getting me lower cost loans), it wasn't one hour later that my friend Lauren called to tell me that a certain other bit of money was available for me and it will more than cover my study abroad and some debts that I have....for free. I was trying to get God to help me get a 6,000 dollar loan approved and 9,000 dollars was provided instead. It seems the older I get or the more in tune I am with myself and/or the universe, the easier it is to have faith and watch the pieces of life fall into place. This is of course when you're headed in the right direction. It's almost as if I can feel the cogs turns slowly into place so that not only what I need but also the things I most desire shift towards me and fall into my lap. I am incredibly grateful for how everything has been provided and not just my basic needs but the most amazing wishes are coming my way. I've always dreamed of living in Paris and now I get to for over a month. Time to wander by myself, to visit markets...I didn't NEED to go really. I could have somehow managed getting into graduate school without it, but it happened.
I doubt I will have time to write again before the New Year, so to anyone reading this I hope you make resolutions and remain resolute in fulfilling them. Your main resolution should be to live your most amazing life and I hope that everyone I love fulfills their greatest potential. Shannon and I are sending to each other a list of 'I wills.' It can be as long or as short as you want but I truly believe that words have power. Speak what you want, speak it often, write it down, doodle it on a notebook...just put it out into the universe because you will never get what you want without asking for it. My church has podcasts and I was listening to a story I'd heard plenty of times before from the Bible but Erwin's take on it was really interesting. It's the story of Jesus healing the blind man. In it the blind man comes up to Jesus and Jesus asks him, "What do you want?" Well, Him being God and all shouldn't he have already known? And God or not it's kind of obvious that the blind man isn't going to ask a known healer for a new cane or better hearing to make up for his lack of eyesight. NO! He's going to ask to see. The purpose of Jesus asking him what he wanted was because there is power in asking for what you desire. Because nothing can be given to you without you asking for it first. This is why we must be careful what we ask for and also not ask for so little that we shortchange ourselves. What if God wanted to make us an Olympic champion but we only pray, "God, it'd be really nice if I could get good enough to win the state championship." Dream big, ask big. My 'I will' list includes things that may or may not be in my control but that I want to see happen. 'I will' has more power than 'I wish' or 'I would like.' So go ahead, make your 'I will' list and share it with somebody. Go crazy.

I love Africa/Paris/Ireland in the Springtime...

Greetings from a rainy, freezing Los Angeles. It got really cold really fast and of course I procrastinated until it was impossible to get an appt to get my pilot light lit. Forget the gas company. My mamma didn't raise an idiot so I decided to do it myself. I had a healthy fear of blowing myself up but if I went at least it'd be quick right? So I did some research online, thank goodness for the internet, and I found complete instructions on quite a few different pages. Unfortunately it wasn't working so I looked some more. Some genius of a girl had filmed the gas guy turning hers on and her heater was exactly like mine! In a matter of 30 seconds I had mine lit and I'm now toasty and warm in my apartment. This is an improvement over sleeping in a hoodie with the hood up and tied tight, two pairs of socks, sweatpants, under three heavy blankets like I did last night.

I have fun news. I'm crazy (and no, that's not the news, you knew that already) but my goal has been to see all 6 (ice sheets don't count) continents by the time I was 30. I had mentioned visiting my Aunt and Uncle in Swaziland a few years back but it never seemed right. Shannon was due to come out to Los Angeles in May so I had a brainstorm and decided to check on airline tickets. They were super reasonable so after careful thought and planning we decided to go and booked tickets. Hurray for Africa! This means I only have South America, which is planned for early 2010, and Australia/New Zealand, which are yet to be scheduled. I will be going for a week and a half and then I tentatively ditch my flight in London, take the chunnel to Paris, and do 4 weeks there for study abroad. I'm crossing my fingers that I get into the program I'm applying to.

I bought a Ped Egg tonight! What is a Ped Egg you say? It's this egg shaped thing that's essentially a cheese-grater for your hooves. It magically turns them back into feet by shaving off all the nasty dead skin. I tried it the minute I got home because my feet get gross, I don't know why, and I haven't had a real pedicure in awhile. I didn't think it took off much until I opened it up and exclaimed, "Yuck!!" in horror at the half inch of dead skin inside. Ugh I'm still grossed out. My point though, is that it works, and it's fabulous, and for $10 everyone should get one. It could be your Christmas present from me this year so watch out!

Amy, Joey, and I got alcohol and pizza tonight for a No More School Party. I haven't had a night of drinking and Phase 10 in awhile. Keep in mine I'm now a total lightweight and three drinks was my max. So sad, in a good way.

Bad spellers of the world, untie!

Here's a sneak preview of the Christmas photo cards I'm sending out. Obviously the pictures on it will be different as this is a castoff. If you want one and haven't sent me your address yet, please do so. Thanks to Joey and myself for the fabulous photography. I forgot to post fun Thanksgiving photos, but I'll do that next time since they aren't uploaded yet.

I just recently heard someone say that guilt is a useless emotion. That is so true. I skipped classes today because I got sick last night and only slept for like 2 hours. I missed my alarm so I missed the one class I needed to be at. After that I just decided to stay home. Thank goodness my first class doesn't start until 12:30 next semester. Someone had left the E! channel on (Joey!) and I ended up watching episode after episode of E! True Hollywood Story. Luckily they were on Ellen and Reese Witherspoon. I was typing up pages of my screenplay while I watched so all was not lost. Oh, my point was that I feel so guilty about skipping. It's MY education and MY grades after all. I've got tentative A's in all my classes, or at worst, 2 are borderline B's. My guilt is why I never called into work or missed a day of high school. I only have one official day of classes left. I have alot to do for finals but I keep pushing it off. Hopefully tomorrow I'll get the bulk of reading out of the way. But seriously, say 'no' to guilt.

I had a 'come-to-Jesus' with myself yesterday...technically Wednesday, as it's now late. If you'll remember, my mood was in a terrible slump. I knew that the only cure for that was what I've been talking about doing since Shannon left...you know...actually getting off my ass and doing some activity that does not involve wearing a groove in the floor between the couch and the kitchen. Anyway, I woke up later than I'd set my alarm for and I kept going back and forth in my head about going to Laurel Canyon for a hike. I washed the dishes, I showered, I shaved my legs, I texted Amy to see if she wanted to go, I walked the dogs. Finally I got dressed in my tennis shoes and workout clothes and went. I thought the initial hill would kill me since it's been months since I've been active. My breathing has also been bad because I've run out of my normal inhalers. I was happily surprised that I only had to stop once to take my inhaler. It took me a bit longer than normal to go up and back but I did it. All by myself, for the first time ever. I felt amazing all day, and I was really productive. Of course today Granny needs two new hips and possibly a new shin or two but that will pass. I have never once kept up an exercise routine all on my own. I always had someone else wake me up and make me go for the most part. It's just once and my goal is 4 to 5 times a week, but it's a start.

I had a really great talk with Joey today. She stopped by unexpectedly and I was home unexpectedly but it was perfect. I've been stressing out about my writing because the story, although in fiction form, has very detailed conversations and events that actually happened. The story is very personal, as it's my own story, and I'm nervous to have people read it. She had alot of good things to say about being brave. I should be glad that it scares me, we don't grow by doing things that make us feel comfortable. We also discussed the topic of dreams/goals. Tam got a fortune cookie one time that said, "What if you COULD get everything you ever wanted?" or something like that. It's definitely something to think about. Which is more scary: getting all your wildest dreams or not getting them? I remember when I first moved to L.A. and I went on an interview to be Christina Aguilera's personal assistant on her tour. I was driving home when it hit me that all it would take is one 'yes' from the person hiring and all of a sudden I would be on the doorstep to everything I had ever wanted. I remember having to pull over because I was crying so hard. The funny part is, I wasn't crying out of happiness, or sadness that I might not get it, but out of sheer terror that it might actually happen. We all get so used to wanting, whatever it might be that we want, that the wanting almost becomes like a drug. If someone wanted to hand us all of our hearts desires would we turn and walk away? I don't want wanting to be enough. I want to get there and then see what's beyond. There are certain things I've wanted so long, such as being a healthy weight, having an amazing boyfriend, writing a book, finishing college, etc, etc, that they all feel almost so unattainable they're of mythic proportions. I know that they COULD happen but my faith that they will happen is more up there with the idea that Prince William will fall madly in love with me and I become a princess. Sure it's something you think about (at least I used to before Harry became the hot one), but what are the odds. Those things shouldn't be in that category. Most of those are up to me and how much self-discipline I have. Well...everything but the boyfriend, and I am actually in college finishing. However, I don't want to turn 28 this next year and still be self-medicating myself into complacency with TV, computer games, and everything else I let myself get distracted by because it's easier.
PS. Went to see Twilight finally. Julia and I giggled insanely through the whole mess as did the other 4 people in the theatre with us. Twilight is the least interesting of all four books so in a way I'm glad they're doing the other ones. I tell you, if I had to see one more tortured, struggling look from Edward or another awkward roll in the grass with both of them I might have poked my own eyes out. It WAS pretty funny because both Edward and Jasper looked less like they were struggling not to kill somone and more like they were trying desperately not to vomit. It didn't help that evertime it happened Julia kept whispering, "I'm going to be sick, I'm going to be SICK!" I think it would be awesome to have a silent showing where the audience just yells out their own dialogue. It would be high-larious!