Shoe drama

It's late, considering that I have to work another 8 hour shift in retail hell in about just as many hours. I haven't written in awhile though and I feel I must. I just got off the phone with zappos.com, from whom I bought a lovely pair of shoes for my next few trips. I checked the status because they upgraded my shipping for free and I wanted to know when to expect them. According to the site they were delivered, per UPS, this morning! Yay! No yay. I checked all 8 of my apartment building doors and no box. I then realize that they've shipped it to my old address because of a billing address snafu and an auto-check box mishap. SO IRRITATING! So it being only a mile away and all I get into my car and do a drive-by of my old house...the whole time praying that the new people are out of town. No such luck. Yes, I have no problem hopping in my car at midnight to stalk a pair of shoes at my old house. It's all been worked out but what a pain.

I leave for DC on Thursday morning. I'm looking forward to visiting Shannon. I've been rushed with all the holiday activities and now a solid work schedule. I was part of the Brown family Christmas activities this year since I couldn't go see my family. Julia and I went down for their Hanukkah celebration on Saturday. They moved it to that day just for me. I was disappointed that there were no bacon-wrapped little smokies this time. Yes, you read that right, Hanukkah and bacon-wrapped sausages...they're not very traditional. We did have latkes and brisket. After about my 25th latke I was near death...but I had...to...have...just...one...more. The argument over whether they were better with sour cream or apple sauce was fierce, but I was outvoted and the applesauce won. I graduated from child to adult and am now allowed to call Mr. Brown, Richard, but that freaks me out so I might just stick with Sir. I also spent Christmas down in the OC with them and we ate a lovely dinner at TGI Friday's with the worst server ever, and went to see the Curious Case of Benjamin Button. It was a little long but I think that it is worth another viewing or two. It was beautifully dont but it made me panicky about the brevity of life, as if I needed any help with that. I was always the child who dreamed about it being the last day of camp on the first day of camp. My anxiety about my youth or beautiful moments being over never gives me much rest. I also have some sort of odd disbelief that I will ever be old. I somehow felt that if I simply will it to be so, I will never get old and wrinkly. This all changed when I started examining my hands and thought, "Wait, were those...those weren't there before!?!" Age spots! Light brown, hardly noticeable but age spots all the same. I've now started putting sunscreen on my exposed arms and hands. Sadly it's a battle I'll inevitably lose. Maybe by the time I'm old they'll have a treatment for excessive wrinkles that is a little less barbaric and disgusting than face lifts and botox. Or maybe we should spend less money on research for such shallow things and put all the time and energy towards a cure for childhood cancer, or asthma or whatever. I have asthma and nothing else matters when you can't breathe. Hmm, I think there's a commercial that used to say that. Either way, it's very true. And for those of you who have no concept of what having asthma is like. Try the demonstration I used for a speech I did once. Go fetch yourself a couple of those teeny tiny coffee straws. Now try to breathe strictly on the air that you can suck through them. Picture it even worse if you've walked fast or been jogging and your heart rate is up. No fun.

Anyway I am pms-y so everything is a little more dramatic and worse than it would be normally. In reality everything is fine, shoes and work aside. I didn't get financial aid for study abroad. But the amazing part is that after saying a few prayers of thanks for giving me what I needed not what I wanted (the financial aid lady was super helpful getting me lower cost loans), it wasn't one hour later that my friend Lauren called to tell me that a certain other bit of money was available for me and it will more than cover my study abroad and some debts that I have....for free. I was trying to get God to help me get a 6,000 dollar loan approved and 9,000 dollars was provided instead. It seems the older I get or the more in tune I am with myself and/or the universe, the easier it is to have faith and watch the pieces of life fall into place. This is of course when you're headed in the right direction. It's almost as if I can feel the cogs turns slowly into place so that not only what I need but also the things I most desire shift towards me and fall into my lap. I am incredibly grateful for how everything has been provided and not just my basic needs but the most amazing wishes are coming my way. I've always dreamed of living in Paris and now I get to for over a month. Time to wander by myself, to visit markets...I didn't NEED to go really. I could have somehow managed getting into graduate school without it, but it happened.
I doubt I will have time to write again before the New Year, so to anyone reading this I hope you make resolutions and remain resolute in fulfilling them. Your main resolution should be to live your most amazing life and I hope that everyone I love fulfills their greatest potential. Shannon and I are sending to each other a list of 'I wills.' It can be as long or as short as you want but I truly believe that words have power. Speak what you want, speak it often, write it down, doodle it on a notebook...just put it out into the universe because you will never get what you want without asking for it. My church has podcasts and I was listening to a story I'd heard plenty of times before from the Bible but Erwin's take on it was really interesting. It's the story of Jesus healing the blind man. In it the blind man comes up to Jesus and Jesus asks him, "What do you want?" Well, Him being God and all shouldn't he have already known? And God or not it's kind of obvious that the blind man isn't going to ask a known healer for a new cane or better hearing to make up for his lack of eyesight. NO! He's going to ask to see. The purpose of Jesus asking him what he wanted was because there is power in asking for what you desire. Because nothing can be given to you without you asking for it first. This is why we must be careful what we ask for and also not ask for so little that we shortchange ourselves. What if God wanted to make us an Olympic champion but we only pray, "God, it'd be really nice if I could get good enough to win the state championship." Dream big, ask big. My 'I will' list includes things that may or may not be in my control but that I want to see happen. 'I will' has more power than 'I wish' or 'I would like.' So go ahead, make your 'I will' list and share it with somebody. Go crazy.