Here's a sneak preview of the Christmas photo cards I'm sending out. Obviously the pictures on it will be different as this is a castoff. If you want one and haven't sent me your address yet, please do so. Thanks to Joey and myself for the fabulous photography. I forgot to post fun Thanksgiving photos, but I'll do that next time since they aren't uploaded yet.I just recently heard someone say that guilt is a useless emotion. That is so true. I skipped classes today because I got sick last night and only slept for like 2 hours. I missed my alarm so I missed the one class I needed to be at. After that I just decided to stay home. Thank goodness my first class doesn't start until 12:30 next semester. Someone had left the E! channel on (Joey!) and I ended up watching episode after episode of E! True Hollywood Story. Luckily they were on Ellen and Reese Witherspoon. I was typing up pages of my screenplay while I watched so all was not lost. Oh, my point was that I feel so guilty about skipping. It's MY education and MY grades after all. I've got tentative A's in all my classes, or at worst, 2 are borderline B's. My guilt is why I never called into work or missed a day of high school. I only have one official day of classes left. I have alot to do for finals but I keep pushing it off. Hopefully tomorrow I'll get the bulk of reading out of the way. But seriously, say 'no' to guilt.
I had a 'come-to-Jesus' with myself yesterday...technically Wednesday, as it's now late. If you'll remember, my mood was in a terrible slump. I knew that the only cure for that was what I've been talking about doing since Shannon left...you know...actually getting off my ass and doing some activity that does not involve wearing a groove in the floor between the couch and the kitchen. Anyway, I woke up later than I'd set my alarm for and I kept going back and forth in my head about going to Laurel Canyon for a hike. I washed the dishes, I showered, I shaved my legs, I texted Amy to see if she wanted to go, I walked the dogs. Finally I got dressed in my tennis shoes and workout clothes and went. I thought the initial hill would kill me since it's been months since I've been active. My breathing has also been bad because I've run out of my normal inhalers. I was happily surprised that I only had to stop once to take my inhaler. It took me a bit longer than normal to go up and back but I did it. All by myself, for the first time ever. I felt amazing all day, and I was really productive. Of course today Granny needs two new hips and possibly a new shin or two but that will pass. I have never once kept up an exercise routine all on my own. I always had someone else wake me up and make me go for the most part. It's just once and my goal is 4 to 5 times a week, but it's a start.
I had a really great talk with Joey today. She stopped by unexpectedly and I was home unexpectedly but it was perfect. I've been stressing out about my writing because the story, although in fiction form, has very detailed conversations and events that actually happened. The story is very personal, as it's my own story, and I'm nervous to have people read it. She had alot of good things to say about being brave. I should be glad that it scares me, we don't grow by doing things that make us feel comfortable. We also discussed the topic of dreams/goals. Tam got a fortune cookie one time that said, "What if you COULD get everything you ever wanted?" or something like that. It's definitely something to think about. Which is more scary: getting all your wildest dreams or not getting them? I remember when I first moved to L.A. and I went on an interview to be Christina Aguilera's personal assistant on her tour. I was driving home when it hit me that all it would take is one 'yes' from the person hiring and all of a sudden I would be on the doorstep to everything I had ever wanted. I remember having to pull over because I was crying so hard. The funny part is, I wasn't crying out of happiness, or sadness that I might not get it, but out of sheer terror that it might actually happen. We all get so used to wanting, whatever it might be that we want, that the wanting almost becomes like a drug. If someone wanted to hand us all of our hearts desires would we turn and walk away? I don't want wanting to be enough. I want to get there and then see what's beyond. There are certain things I've wanted so long, such as being a healthy weight, having an amazing boyfriend, writing a book, finishing college, etc, etc, that they all feel almost so unattainable they're of mythic proportions. I know that they COULD happen but my faith that they will happen is more up there with the idea that Prince William will fall madly in love with me and I become a princess. Sure it's something you think about (at least I used to before Harry became the hot one), but what are the odds. Those things shouldn't be in that category. Most of those are up to me and how much self-discipline I have. Well...everything but the boyfriend, and I am actually in college finishing. However, I don't want to turn 28 this next year and still be self-medicating myself into complacency with TV, computer games, and everything else I let myself get distracted by because it's easier.
PS. Went to see Twilight finally. Julia and I giggled insanely through the whole mess as did the other 4 people in the theatre with us. Twilight is the least interesting of all four books so in a way I'm glad they're doing the other ones. I tell you, if I had to see one more tortured, struggling look from Edward or another awkward roll in the grass with both of them I might have poked my own eyes out. It WAS pretty funny because both Edward and Jasper looked less like they were struggling not to kill somone and more like they were trying desperately not to vomit. It didn't help that evertime it happened Julia kept whispering, "I'm going to be sick, I'm going to be SICK!" I think it would be awesome to have a silent showing where the audience just yells out their own dialogue. It would be high-larious!
No comments:
Post a Comment