Yo, ho, ho, and a mini bottle of rum

Every single month I hit a point where I'm eating everything in sight and crying for no reason and then it dawns on me...oh....pms. Every month the same story....psychosis sets in and it takes forever for me to figure out there's a good reason for it. Not to be stereotypical but I have some of the worst symptoms. I turn into a lunatic. Tonight I had a rough time at work and felt like a horribly nasty bitch in general, and my two friends Joey and Amy somehow magically got me a teeny bottle of rum and a coke that was waiting for me when I got home from watching a movie. I pretty much cried. I'd just been saying before I left how much I wanted a rum and coke and then like magic...it appears! That's true friendship for you. Speaking of the movie. We went to see Coraline 3D. It was fabulous! There were terrier dogs that were both flying around in angel sweater-suits and ones that looked like bats. It was truly terrifying at some moments and shame on all the parents who not only had their kids at such a movie but at a 9:25 showing to boot. Um, when I was young my bedtime was 7pm on a school night, no exceptions.
I'm SO annoyed. The Amazing Racers are in Switzerland, where I've been before, paragliding (or whatever its called) off a mountain, that is something I totally wanted to do while I was there but couldn't. I need to marry a bazillionaire or become one myself. Preferably the latter, I'd feel really uncomfortable being reliant on someone else's money. And now they're going to Salzburg. Oh Salzburg...it's SO gorgeous. I spent my birthday there last year. I really need to move to Europe. See...crazy only gets crazier with the rum that's slowly being ingested.

Blog roll: Evidence that too much coffee is harmful

**Note: So I'm a little delayed in posting this. My apologies...it was last Thursday. The picture is the label from a bakery in Virginia. Hi-larious.

I am writing this while at school since I have a large break in between classes today. I just moved outside because the dungeon-esque interior of the cafeteria was not only dark but noisy as well. It's cold but it is a stunning day. The sky is incredibly blue and the smattering of cotton ball clouds seem to the take the shape of leviathan sea creatures frolicking around in a giant aquarium above our heads. I wore a skirt out of shear boredom with my jeans and if the sun weren't out I'd have frozen to my chair by now. It's the season for those snowy blossomed trees to bloom and being so high up I can see the circle of mountains that surround and they are so beautiful. People who hate L.A. are seriously disturbed. I'm sipping on two different coffees, one hot and one cold. I'll probably regret both of them midway through my 2hr and 25min class.

There is a great organization that my school called my attention to called Volunteers for Peace (vfp.org) It's for anyone who wants to go anywhere (almost) for 2 to 3 weeks to volunteer. The key selling point is how cheap it is. $300 covers almost everything, you just have to get yourself there. The best part about it is that there is something for everyone. If you want to work with orphans in India, handicapped people in Turkey, at a monastery in Switzerland, or at an archaeological dig in France...you can! I am seriously contemplating one of the India gigs. I'm not sure when I'll be able to make time for it but I feel compelled to go do something that involves more of me than just my checkbook. I don't grow or learn anything about myself by giving money. Worse even is that it's deducted from my checking account every month so I don't even have to do the act of making an effort every month. Oh, and if you don't know what I'm talking about, I support 2 kids in India through Compassion.com, as do a few of my friends. Just because it's not hands-on doesn't mean its not doing good, I just want to do more. Mostly because it scares me to death. It's my general philosophy that if something scares me (barring anything truly asinine) I should probably jump into it. If we only did things we were comfortable doing we'd never do anything because it's our nature to create the most comfortable environment possible. Our culture is so strange. We require kids to learn learn learn. Then once adulthood is reached its sort of taboo to not know what you're doing. Since when did it become a source of shame to say 'I don't know.' It's the 'I don't know' regions that become our unexplored territory. The place where the heart of the adventurer in all of us longs to go. If we know everything then whats the point? One of my professors asked us if we thought that all of the great discoveries had been made. I say no, but there is less obvious unexplored territory so many of us just accept how things are and try to fit ourselves in between all of the bits of life that have already been defined. one example is the interior of the earth. I had no idea, before I had to suffer through Geography, that we have no real concrete proof of what we are all walking around on. The genius method of constructing what we think we know is from recorded shock waves that get sent back to us whenever there's an earthquake. Different soundings supposedly represent different densities. Those waves could be bouncing off mountain-sized dinosaurs for all we know. Unlikely, but there was a point where people seriously believed the world was flat....it's all about historical perspective really.

One of my classes has been making me ponder how much our sight handicaps us. We rely heavily on our ability to see, to the detriment of our other senses. All of our issues with race pretty much come from our deficiency in looking past someones skin or hair color, etc. If we couldn't see then all that would exist is touch, smell, taste, and hearing. We'd be grouped into beings by those who can speak, how well we speak, what language....I suppose we'd find someway to discriminate sight or no sight. However we really need to start looking past our vision to see things a little more deeply. Even if we get past our pre-fab ideas about how someone looks will we really hear them because we're already too busy categorizing them somehow. Sight also hinders the idea of faith. We cannot see someone's energy, or God, or whatever. If we can't see it we can't believe it...it makes no sense. We rely so much on instinct or sensing energy without even realizing it. What makes us know when we're in danger, or being stared at, or when someone is interested in us, or the idea of 'gay-dar.' I'm not joking. Sometimes there's something almost tangible that you sense from another person. I feel you can get more and more attuned to these things if you just stop seeing so much with your eyes and start 'seeing' in other ways.

So, as you can see...I was on a roll, a blog roll, if you will. I actually had to work this weekend so it's now the next week already and 1am Tuesday to boot. Where does the time go? I have had writers block in regards to anything important. Maybe all my writing energy is being taken up by the masses of writing I have to do for my classes each week. It's annoying. That just means I need to step it up a bit. Focus. That is so hard to do. I dare not even whisper it but...I think tv is standing in my way. Which is dumb considering I have a DVR. I think if I forbid myself tv for the week I'd be amazed at all I'd get done. When I read this tomorrow I'll probably declare myself insane but it's late.

Oh the weather outside is frightful

I'm sitting here at 1:30am looking like a giant octopus because I got the fabulous idea to highlight my hair while I was at the grocery store earlier and I just now got to it. I finally sat down and went through my screenwriting book (Save the Cat by Blake Snyder...highly recommended) and followed its instructions. Without some sort of road map a script can end up trying to go from point A to point B and end up at Point U instead. I think we've all seen those movies that just go on and on and have seem to have no point. Anyway, I couldn't write anything else until I knew what I was missing.

It seems I have an endless supply of things to do. 19 credit hours is ending up to be a little more work intensive than I expected. I am busy for most of my waking minutes and when I'm not busy I probably should be doing something but am not.

I came to a realization the past couple of weeks. I don't want to date. I've been unconsciously looking for the next someone and it took being asked out by someone I might have actually dated for me to realize I'm not ready. I have no time, first of all. Anytime I have I need for everything I have going on, and distractions of that magnitude are unacceptable. I just feel like the next time I date someone I'll be closer to the person I want to become. Speaking of which...

The person I want to become is coming closer and closer to me. I'm trying a new thing where I cut out almost all refined sugar and breads/pastas/etc. It's working so fast! The weeks are flying by so before i know it its the weekend and I can have a cheat day. I also joined a co-op thing where you get fruits and veggies from a local farm once a week. It's all organic and an excellent way to support local farmers as well as eat a steady amount of fruits and veggies every week. The cost isn't alot in my opinion if you eat all your meals at home like I do. I got my first ration on Tuesday. It was fabulous. As I was munching on a raw carrot I realized I was fulfilling something I had always wanted to do. When I'm in Europe its a normal thing to get a bunch of fresh stuff from the grocery store and have a picnic, or just have a carton of berries for lunch. I always swear I'm going to do those kinds of things when I'm home and then I usually end up just stopping at Taco Bell. I just want to live the kind of life I want to live now, not someday.

PS. It's been raining non-stop until today. My poor puppies do not like to be wet. Oh, the pictures are me in DC and the Larchmont Farmers Market.

Not all who wonder are lost

I am exhausted. I feel like I've been in perpetual motion for the past month...oh wait! I have been. I started out the year watching Band of Brothers in my living room with Julia who was roped into driving me to the airport in the early a.m., so no alcohol for either of us. I landed in D.C. the night of the first, super glad to see my sister. I got upgraded to first class the whole way there! She lives in Rockville, MD for now but it was just 40 minutes or so on the red line into D.C. proper. I spent a few days walking around by myself visiting museums, college campuses, and freezing to death in general. I loved Georgetown, the school and the area, which brought up all kinds of wonderings and questions that I've been wrestling around in my brain ever since. I had alot of fun with my sister and her friend Carla, who enjoys stuffing the unsuspecting visitor with copious amounts of cookies and candy. I flew home for less than 24 hours...just enough time to mail some books I sold, check my own mail, and repack for my trip to Nashville to see my Mom. Mom and I painted and then painted some more. Her living room and bedroom now look phenomenal. We didn't do much but hang out, which was perfectly okay with me. We did venture into downtown Nashville one cold afternoon. I was surprised that it was so different from what I remember. This could be because it's been 10 years since I went to school there and because I was super lame when I did and never left campus. I returned home just in time to start school this week.
I've been really busy trying to figure out my schedule. I wanted to overload this semester to take Italian but after this morning I ditched those plans real fast. There's an advanced French class that I needed to take but wasn't supposed to yet as I'm still in elementary classes. I got the permission number to add it this morning. This IS a good thing if I want to graduate on time but I'm scared to death that I'm in over my head. I am a little, but that just means that I'll have to work harder. Actually I'm so used to floating in all my other classes that actually having to struggle with something will be nice. I didn't mean that to be as snotty as it sounded. I just mean that it'll be good for me to have to be proactive with something.
I have been pondering pondering pondering questions like 'what does it mean to make a difference in the world?', 'what could I do to actually make a difference?', 'Should that actually be my goal?', and on and on. Do I do graduate school, do I write, should I do graduate school and write, law school, no school, move to D.C., stay in L.A.? I know I don't have to decide NOW but I do need to decide something SOON. It was actually stressing me out because I just couldn't find an answer. These Ani DiFranco lyrics have been swimming around in my head:
and i wonder if everything i do
i do instead
of something i want to do more
the question fills my head

The people in history who prompted the biggest changes never set out to change the world. It seems to me that Rosa Parks, Mother Theresa, Martin Luther King, and so on, set out to either right a wrong they saw around them or fix a problem in their immediate world or they simply made a choice to stand for something, never knowing how they would eventually be remembered as revolutionaries. I think about all the people who really make a difference in politics, culture, and world events...how many of their names does the general public know? Probably not many...instead we focus on the Britney Spears and Paris Hiltons of the world. So there is a difference between making an impact and being remembered. I had to really think about which I'd want more. I finally settled on the rough idea that in order to make a positive impact on the world, the only thing we can offer is the best of ourselves, whatever that might be. Whether it be painting, or writing, or dancing, or being a lawyer... I think about moving to India to work in an orphanage, or becoming a lawyer to fight for human rights, or a million other things. Which would be best? Which would be best for me? I have so many interests that quite alot of the time I have a hard time figuring out which interest me the most. Then there's the problem of needing a job or further schooling plans after I graduate. Do I want to live near my sister? Try a new place? So many questions. Rilke says "Live the questions now." Helpful.

Strangely enough it took me finally returning home before it all became perfectly clear. Well mostly clear anyway. My first afternoon back on Monday and all it took was a conversation with Joey, a little research on the USC website, and a drive through Toluca Lake the answers to materialize, like magic, deep down inside where I find all my answers...
L.A. is where I belong...
I've always said, Shan is D.C., I'm L.A. It's so true. If I decided on law school and the east coast I'd be good at that, I know it, but in reading student profiles and whatnot on different sites I just realized I need to save the 'Academic' in me for another lifetime. My heart is in writing and creating. It's taken me so long to realize that its what I'm best at and more importantly it's where the center of my heart is. I prayed for an answer, and I suppose it came to me...like I knew it would. Part of me is a little sad to start letting go of possibilities. Why that makes me sad and not relieved when I so envy my sister's single mindedness sometimes, is beyond me. I think it's the same anxiety I feel when I think of staying in L.A., or marrying, or doing anything that closes off options. I love L.A. I kind of knew in my heart when I moved here that it was a sort of 'last stop' for me. Something in me compels me not to get too comfortable, that comfortable is the enemy. This same monster battles with the other one who yearns to be comfortable and stable. Makes for some fun internal battles.
So the verdict is that I want desperately to live near my sister someday but for now I feel like staying in L.A. where I have friends, and a life, and where I truly love the city I live in, is the right thing for me. USC has a Masters of Professional Writing that seems almost perfect for me. Regardless, I have no definite plans as you never know what's coming for you but it's nice to have options. And I guess I always will have choices to make and that instead of losing options I can look at it as just having more information to narrow them down.
Alright, I'm about to drop. I'm glad I'll be busier this semester. Even a little motion, like having to get up for school every morning leads to momentum. I need that momentum to be more productive than I have been.

Shoe drama

It's late, considering that I have to work another 8 hour shift in retail hell in about just as many hours. I haven't written in awhile though and I feel I must. I just got off the phone with zappos.com, from whom I bought a lovely pair of shoes for my next few trips. I checked the status because they upgraded my shipping for free and I wanted to know when to expect them. According to the site they were delivered, per UPS, this morning! Yay! No yay. I checked all 8 of my apartment building doors and no box. I then realize that they've shipped it to my old address because of a billing address snafu and an auto-check box mishap. SO IRRITATING! So it being only a mile away and all I get into my car and do a drive-by of my old house...the whole time praying that the new people are out of town. No such luck. Yes, I have no problem hopping in my car at midnight to stalk a pair of shoes at my old house. It's all been worked out but what a pain.

I leave for DC on Thursday morning. I'm looking forward to visiting Shannon. I've been rushed with all the holiday activities and now a solid work schedule. I was part of the Brown family Christmas activities this year since I couldn't go see my family. Julia and I went down for their Hanukkah celebration on Saturday. They moved it to that day just for me. I was disappointed that there were no bacon-wrapped little smokies this time. Yes, you read that right, Hanukkah and bacon-wrapped sausages...they're not very traditional. We did have latkes and brisket. After about my 25th latke I was near death...but I had...to...have...just...one...more. The argument over whether they were better with sour cream or apple sauce was fierce, but I was outvoted and the applesauce won. I graduated from child to adult and am now allowed to call Mr. Brown, Richard, but that freaks me out so I might just stick with Sir. I also spent Christmas down in the OC with them and we ate a lovely dinner at TGI Friday's with the worst server ever, and went to see the Curious Case of Benjamin Button. It was a little long but I think that it is worth another viewing or two. It was beautifully dont but it made me panicky about the brevity of life, as if I needed any help with that. I was always the child who dreamed about it being the last day of camp on the first day of camp. My anxiety about my youth or beautiful moments being over never gives me much rest. I also have some sort of odd disbelief that I will ever be old. I somehow felt that if I simply will it to be so, I will never get old and wrinkly. This all changed when I started examining my hands and thought, "Wait, were those...those weren't there before!?!" Age spots! Light brown, hardly noticeable but age spots all the same. I've now started putting sunscreen on my exposed arms and hands. Sadly it's a battle I'll inevitably lose. Maybe by the time I'm old they'll have a treatment for excessive wrinkles that is a little less barbaric and disgusting than face lifts and botox. Or maybe we should spend less money on research for such shallow things and put all the time and energy towards a cure for childhood cancer, or asthma or whatever. I have asthma and nothing else matters when you can't breathe. Hmm, I think there's a commercial that used to say that. Either way, it's very true. And for those of you who have no concept of what having asthma is like. Try the demonstration I used for a speech I did once. Go fetch yourself a couple of those teeny tiny coffee straws. Now try to breathe strictly on the air that you can suck through them. Picture it even worse if you've walked fast or been jogging and your heart rate is up. No fun.

Anyway I am pms-y so everything is a little more dramatic and worse than it would be normally. In reality everything is fine, shoes and work aside. I didn't get financial aid for study abroad. But the amazing part is that after saying a few prayers of thanks for giving me what I needed not what I wanted (the financial aid lady was super helpful getting me lower cost loans), it wasn't one hour later that my friend Lauren called to tell me that a certain other bit of money was available for me and it will more than cover my study abroad and some debts that I have....for free. I was trying to get God to help me get a 6,000 dollar loan approved and 9,000 dollars was provided instead. It seems the older I get or the more in tune I am with myself and/or the universe, the easier it is to have faith and watch the pieces of life fall into place. This is of course when you're headed in the right direction. It's almost as if I can feel the cogs turns slowly into place so that not only what I need but also the things I most desire shift towards me and fall into my lap. I am incredibly grateful for how everything has been provided and not just my basic needs but the most amazing wishes are coming my way. I've always dreamed of living in Paris and now I get to for over a month. Time to wander by myself, to visit markets...I didn't NEED to go really. I could have somehow managed getting into graduate school without it, but it happened.
I doubt I will have time to write again before the New Year, so to anyone reading this I hope you make resolutions and remain resolute in fulfilling them. Your main resolution should be to live your most amazing life and I hope that everyone I love fulfills their greatest potential. Shannon and I are sending to each other a list of 'I wills.' It can be as long or as short as you want but I truly believe that words have power. Speak what you want, speak it often, write it down, doodle it on a notebook...just put it out into the universe because you will never get what you want without asking for it. My church has podcasts and I was listening to a story I'd heard plenty of times before from the Bible but Erwin's take on it was really interesting. It's the story of Jesus healing the blind man. In it the blind man comes up to Jesus and Jesus asks him, "What do you want?" Well, Him being God and all shouldn't he have already known? And God or not it's kind of obvious that the blind man isn't going to ask a known healer for a new cane or better hearing to make up for his lack of eyesight. NO! He's going to ask to see. The purpose of Jesus asking him what he wanted was because there is power in asking for what you desire. Because nothing can be given to you without you asking for it first. This is why we must be careful what we ask for and also not ask for so little that we shortchange ourselves. What if God wanted to make us an Olympic champion but we only pray, "God, it'd be really nice if I could get good enough to win the state championship." Dream big, ask big. My 'I will' list includes things that may or may not be in my control but that I want to see happen. 'I will' has more power than 'I wish' or 'I would like.' So go ahead, make your 'I will' list and share it with somebody. Go crazy.

I love Africa/Paris/Ireland in the Springtime...

Greetings from a rainy, freezing Los Angeles. It got really cold really fast and of course I procrastinated until it was impossible to get an appt to get my pilot light lit. Forget the gas company. My mamma didn't raise an idiot so I decided to do it myself. I had a healthy fear of blowing myself up but if I went at least it'd be quick right? So I did some research online, thank goodness for the internet, and I found complete instructions on quite a few different pages. Unfortunately it wasn't working so I looked some more. Some genius of a girl had filmed the gas guy turning hers on and her heater was exactly like mine! In a matter of 30 seconds I had mine lit and I'm now toasty and warm in my apartment. This is an improvement over sleeping in a hoodie with the hood up and tied tight, two pairs of socks, sweatpants, under three heavy blankets like I did last night.

I have fun news. I'm crazy (and no, that's not the news, you knew that already) but my goal has been to see all 6 (ice sheets don't count) continents by the time I was 30. I had mentioned visiting my Aunt and Uncle in Swaziland a few years back but it never seemed right. Shannon was due to come out to Los Angeles in May so I had a brainstorm and decided to check on airline tickets. They were super reasonable so after careful thought and planning we decided to go and booked tickets. Hurray for Africa! This means I only have South America, which is planned for early 2010, and Australia/New Zealand, which are yet to be scheduled. I will be going for a week and a half and then I tentatively ditch my flight in London, take the chunnel to Paris, and do 4 weeks there for study abroad. I'm crossing my fingers that I get into the program I'm applying to.

I bought a Ped Egg tonight! What is a Ped Egg you say? It's this egg shaped thing that's essentially a cheese-grater for your hooves. It magically turns them back into feet by shaving off all the nasty dead skin. I tried it the minute I got home because my feet get gross, I don't know why, and I haven't had a real pedicure in awhile. I didn't think it took off much until I opened it up and exclaimed, "Yuck!!" in horror at the half inch of dead skin inside. Ugh I'm still grossed out. My point though, is that it works, and it's fabulous, and for $10 everyone should get one. It could be your Christmas present from me this year so watch out!

Amy, Joey, and I got alcohol and pizza tonight for a No More School Party. I haven't had a night of drinking and Phase 10 in awhile. Keep in mine I'm now a total lightweight and three drinks was my max. So sad, in a good way.

Bad spellers of the world, untie!

Here's a sneak preview of the Christmas photo cards I'm sending out. Obviously the pictures on it will be different as this is a castoff. If you want one and haven't sent me your address yet, please do so. Thanks to Joey and myself for the fabulous photography. I forgot to post fun Thanksgiving photos, but I'll do that next time since they aren't uploaded yet.

I just recently heard someone say that guilt is a useless emotion. That is so true. I skipped classes today because I got sick last night and only slept for like 2 hours. I missed my alarm so I missed the one class I needed to be at. After that I just decided to stay home. Thank goodness my first class doesn't start until 12:30 next semester. Someone had left the E! channel on (Joey!) and I ended up watching episode after episode of E! True Hollywood Story. Luckily they were on Ellen and Reese Witherspoon. I was typing up pages of my screenplay while I watched so all was not lost. Oh, my point was that I feel so guilty about skipping. It's MY education and MY grades after all. I've got tentative A's in all my classes, or at worst, 2 are borderline B's. My guilt is why I never called into work or missed a day of high school. I only have one official day of classes left. I have alot to do for finals but I keep pushing it off. Hopefully tomorrow I'll get the bulk of reading out of the way. But seriously, say 'no' to guilt.

I had a 'come-to-Jesus' with myself yesterday...technically Wednesday, as it's now late. If you'll remember, my mood was in a terrible slump. I knew that the only cure for that was what I've been talking about doing since Shannon left...you know...actually getting off my ass and doing some activity that does not involve wearing a groove in the floor between the couch and the kitchen. Anyway, I woke up later than I'd set my alarm for and I kept going back and forth in my head about going to Laurel Canyon for a hike. I washed the dishes, I showered, I shaved my legs, I texted Amy to see if she wanted to go, I walked the dogs. Finally I got dressed in my tennis shoes and workout clothes and went. I thought the initial hill would kill me since it's been months since I've been active. My breathing has also been bad because I've run out of my normal inhalers. I was happily surprised that I only had to stop once to take my inhaler. It took me a bit longer than normal to go up and back but I did it. All by myself, for the first time ever. I felt amazing all day, and I was really productive. Of course today Granny needs two new hips and possibly a new shin or two but that will pass. I have never once kept up an exercise routine all on my own. I always had someone else wake me up and make me go for the most part. It's just once and my goal is 4 to 5 times a week, but it's a start.

I had a really great talk with Joey today. She stopped by unexpectedly and I was home unexpectedly but it was perfect. I've been stressing out about my writing because the story, although in fiction form, has very detailed conversations and events that actually happened. The story is very personal, as it's my own story, and I'm nervous to have people read it. She had alot of good things to say about being brave. I should be glad that it scares me, we don't grow by doing things that make us feel comfortable. We also discussed the topic of dreams/goals. Tam got a fortune cookie one time that said, "What if you COULD get everything you ever wanted?" or something like that. It's definitely something to think about. Which is more scary: getting all your wildest dreams or not getting them? I remember when I first moved to L.A. and I went on an interview to be Christina Aguilera's personal assistant on her tour. I was driving home when it hit me that all it would take is one 'yes' from the person hiring and all of a sudden I would be on the doorstep to everything I had ever wanted. I remember having to pull over because I was crying so hard. The funny part is, I wasn't crying out of happiness, or sadness that I might not get it, but out of sheer terror that it might actually happen. We all get so used to wanting, whatever it might be that we want, that the wanting almost becomes like a drug. If someone wanted to hand us all of our hearts desires would we turn and walk away? I don't want wanting to be enough. I want to get there and then see what's beyond. There are certain things I've wanted so long, such as being a healthy weight, having an amazing boyfriend, writing a book, finishing college, etc, etc, that they all feel almost so unattainable they're of mythic proportions. I know that they COULD happen but my faith that they will happen is more up there with the idea that Prince William will fall madly in love with me and I become a princess. Sure it's something you think about (at least I used to before Harry became the hot one), but what are the odds. Those things shouldn't be in that category. Most of those are up to me and how much self-discipline I have. Well...everything but the boyfriend, and I am actually in college finishing. However, I don't want to turn 28 this next year and still be self-medicating myself into complacency with TV, computer games, and everything else I let myself get distracted by because it's easier.
PS. Went to see Twilight finally. Julia and I giggled insanely through the whole mess as did the other 4 people in the theatre with us. Twilight is the least interesting of all four books so in a way I'm glad they're doing the other ones. I tell you, if I had to see one more tortured, struggling look from Edward or another awkward roll in the grass with both of them I might have poked my own eyes out. It WAS pretty funny because both Edward and Jasper looked less like they were struggling not to kill somone and more like they were trying desperately not to vomit. It didn't help that evertime it happened Julia kept whispering, "I'm going to be sick, I'm going to be SICK!" I think it would be awesome to have a silent showing where the audience just yells out their own dialogue. It would be high-larious!